


Changing Positions

by Cranberrytaboo



Series: The Switch [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware, Half-Life
Genre: A nasty poison headcrab bite, A whole lot of talking, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Barney and Benrey get some feelings out, Canon-Typical Violence, Chapter 6 has the authors own hc in regards to the joshua situation, Chapter 8 has some of the authors hcs on forzen, Combat, Dismemberment, Gordon2 gets his turn on the pain train, GordonSwap AU, Hurt/Comfort, In the form of the prototypes, Is this the White Forest cuz Barney is Pining, Look i wouldnt call vrgordon tsundere if it didnt make sense, Other, Space-Time nonsense, Theres some combat in this one! Fun!, Very tame hugging and a smooch, mild body horror, not affiliated with any other gordonswap aus that maybe out there lmao, references to past events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26300227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cranberrytaboo/pseuds/Cranberrytaboo
Summary: Gordon Freeman ends up being the right man in the wrong place, twice over.
Relationships: Freehoun, We get a little Frenrey as a treat
Series: The Switch [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040893
Comments: 167
Kudos: 501





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'm gonna continue this, and I'm sure its been done a lot, but I really do love swap aus. It's fun putting all the pieces in place, like a puzzle. This is very self-indulgent but if you read, I hope you enjoy!

"Well, Gordon, are you ready? If so, I'll start the teleporter." 

Gordon glanced around the room, meeting the gaze of Kleiner, Alyx, and Barney in turn. Their faces held varying degrees of concern. Then, he looked to his sides. The teleporter was definitely the scrappiest model he'd ever seen, outside of smaller, amateur builds he'd worked on at university. The scene wasn't exactly doing wonders for his confidence.

But everyone was waiting, and apparently, everyone was depending upon him, so instead of mentioning it, he simply lifted his arm, giving the room a thumbs-up. 

The teleporter groaned and whirred to life, loud and jarring, and the mag-propelled components spun in somewhat imperfect circles. Alyx lifted her hands to her ears, though perhaps more from nerves than to protect herself from the sound. Barney folded his arms in front of himself, looking a shade paler than usual. 

How does one describe the feeling of teleportation? Gordon had done it many times before, but a description of the experience always escaped him. It felt like being in two places at once, for just an instant, and then disorientation usually followed.

This instant was taking longer than usual, it seemed. Now he was in Eli's hideout, or so he thought, but he still felt physically connected to Kleiner's lab. He signalled to Eli to try and communicate that, watching Eli's expression deepen into a frown. 

"Well, that doesn't seem right. Wait-- Gordon--?"

Suddenly, Gordon's perception shifted. He could see Kleiner's lab again, and to his right, Barney was approaching the teleporter, ignoring Kleiner's warnings. "Hang on, Gordon, I'm gettin' you out of that thing!" 

His perception flashed again, bounced between the two labs. For the briefest moment, he could have sworn he saw the depths of space. Then, there was darkness.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Look, Gordon, ropes! We can--"

"Those are not _fucking_ ropes! Please do not get near them-- oh, my god."

"HELP ME, GORDON!"

A few shots were enough to help Dr. Coomer break free of the barnacle grabbing him, but there weren't enough shots in the world to help Gordon's stability. Traversing Black Mesa with three, sometimes four other people who refused to listen to reason was tiresome work, and Gordon could swear he felt wrinkles forming on his skin from the stress. 

"At this rate, I'm gonna go grey before I hit forty." Gordon complained, rubbing his own shoulder. 

"Your hair color is lovely, Gordon. It's very rich!" Dr. Coomer chimed in.

"Thank you, enjoy it while it lasts, I feel like I'm about to pull my fucking hair out." He looked around. "Where are we, anyway?"

This time, Tommy spoke up. "This is the- the place where they store nuclear waste from the reactor." 

Gordon tilted his head to the side. "I thought that the radioactive sludge at the base of the reactor _was_ the waste."

"That's the excess, it's less dangerous. This is where we keep the really dangerous stuff, so be careful, Mister Freeman." 

"Hey, you should open one of these boxes up." Benrey offered unhelpfully. "It'd be fun. Stick your head in there. Get a good whiff." 

"Yeah, that sounds like a really good way to get cancer, I think I'm gonna fuckin' pass." Gordon grunted, shaking his head. How did Benrey keep showing back up, anyway? 

"Gordon, can we get going already?" There was Bubby, impatient as always. "I'm not getting any younger over here." 

"Yeah, let's just go. This place is starting to creep me out." A chill ran down Gordon's spine as if on cue. If this is where Black Mesa stored their most dangerous shit, who knew what else could be down here? 

The others turned to move forward, with Gordon lagging behind slightly. His hair stood on end. Too much so. The air felt charged, somehow. What did that even mean? He hoped that this wasn't what deadly amounts of radiation exposure felt like. 

Then there was a bright flash, and everything went quiet. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Good God, what was that?" 

"That was, that was brighter than anything I've ever seen. That was brighter than the sunlight, leaping off the back of the scales of a tuna fish."

"Fine analogy, Tommy!" 

"Hey, you okay, man?" 

Gordon held his head, blinking several times under the harsh light. He glanced to his right, noting the security guard placing a hand on his upper arm. He gently waved his hand before freezing up entirely. Wait, security guard?

Hastily, he turned fully to look at the man before him. 

The guard looked confused. "Man, what's going on? You good? You're acting weird." 

"Gordon, did you get caught in that flash? What was it, do you know?" A scientist chimed in.

Gordon felt his heart rate quicken, and he rested a hand on his chest. The security guard's uniform, the room they were in, the scientists... It was unmistakable. He was back at Black Mesa. He quickly looked down at himself, feeling over the HEV suit frantically. He was still wearing the revised suit that Kleiner had fixed for him. What was going on?

"Mr. Freeman? You look kind of different. Are you feeling okay? You're starting to concern me." 

Gordon looked up at the man who addressed him quickly, lifting his hands to signal his distress. _What am I doing here?!  
_

He was met by silence. The scientist looked befuddled. "Mr. Freeman? Since when did you speak sign language?" 

Gordon balked. He was _screwed_ , wasn't he?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon dropped to a knee, arms thrown above his head protectively and eyes squinted shut. There was a horrible loud sound that gradually became less overwhelming, finally slowing to a halt. 

As his ears readjusted, he could hear voices, but they sounded far-away and tinny. 

"Gordon, are you alright?" 

"That's it-- I'm getting him off that stupid thing." 

"Barney, be _cautious_." 

Gordon felt an arm wrap around his waist as someone pressed up against his side, helping him to his feet. Slowly, he opened his eyes, finding himself face-to-face with... 

_Wait, who is this guy?_

He looked around the room at the others. There was a woman he didn't recognize, and then a familiar man in a lab coat.

Gordon exhaled, smiling. "Dr. Kleiner! Man, am I glad to see you. What happened?"

In the resulting silence, he pursed his lips. "Wait, what? Did I say something wrong?"

"Hhm? Oh, no, Gordon, you didn't say anything wrong, per se, just that you..." Kleiner trailed off.

"You... It's that you _said_ something." The young woman finished. 

The man hugging his side nodded. "Yeah. I don't think I can remember ever hearing you talk like that. You told me it was real difficult for you." 

"I did?" Gordon's brows furrow. "Wait, I'm sorry. How do we know each other?" 

The man exchanged a glance with Dr. Kleiner and the young woman. Dr. Kleiner's expression turned grim. 

"Gordon, I do believe something's gone horribly wrong."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Gordon begin ironing out the details regarding their current circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I decided to continue this! Thank you to all of you who have been very supportive of my self-indulgent project. I hope to keep entertaining you!
> 
> Also I'm posting this chapter from my phone so the formatting might be messy for a bit.

An emergency convening of the Science Team was more than necessary at that point, so Coomer corralled them into a breakroom to have a thorough conversation about what had just happened. They sat down in a circle, Gordon distancing himself slightly from the rest and looking profoundly uncomfortable. 

"Gordon, please try to tell us what happened during that bright flash." Dr. Coomer spoke calmly, deciding on his own that he was the best person to gently coax the information out of the man who looked like their Gordon but not. 

Bubby wasn't about to have any of that beating around the bush bullshit. "Gordon, what did you mean by 'what am I doing here'? Did you hit your head or something?" 

As Bubby spoke, Gordon recoiled for a moment, then lit up, jumping a bit excitedly. Benrey, who was sitting on a table beside them, looked at the new Gordon with confusion. 

"Oh, Bubby, you, you can understand sign language?" Tommy seemed genuinely impressed. 

"Well, of course I can." Bubby huffed, resting a fist on his chest and looking smug. "Since I grew up in the tubes, I learned all sorts of forms of nonverbal communication. Not just ASL, either. After all, I'm just that smart." 

Coomer chuckled, endearment sparkling in his eye. "That's excellent news, Dr. Bubby! This should make communicating with Gordon much easier." 

Gordon nodded, expression a little more serious than Coomer's. He could communicate with gestures outside of ASL, and if he really had to, he could force himself to talk, but he would rather avoid that. If he wanted to maintain helpful lines of communication between himself and the Science Team, he would need to keep this "Bubby" close at hand. But would Bubby agree to it? _Bubby. I need you to stick close, if I'm going to be able to communicate with everyone._

Bubby watched Gordon, a slight sneer forming. "What, you think you can suddenly just start bossing me around? I'll go where I damn well please, and if that's out of range for you to sign something at me, then that's just too bad."

Gordon cast Bubby a withering glance. The last thing he needed was for anyone he was trying to survive with being totally uncooperative. Whatever, he'd dealt with worse, he could adapt. 

Coomer attempted to be the voice of reason, placing a gentle hand on top of Bubby's shoulder. "Now Bubby, I understand you're stressed, but we need to all work together if we're going to get out of Black Mesa."

Listening to the exchange, Gordon's brow twitched. So, his fears were confirmed. He was once again trapped in Black Mesa. The last time he'd done this, it ended with him fighting an alien overlord on a different planet. He never thought he'd rather be back in City 17, but getting back to where he was as soon as possible seemed like the best option for his general well-being.

At the same time, he felt a bit guilty at the idea of leaving these four to face the Nihilanth alone. He closed his eyes briefly, cursing himself. Why did he always take responsibility for everyone?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barney saw to it that Gordon was sat in a chair and set to looking him over. "Sorry to get intrusive, Doc, but after what happened to that cat, I gotta make sure you haven't got an ear stuck to your leg, or something." 

Gordon looked at Barney incredulously. "What are you _talking_ about?"

Kleiner cleared his throat. "There was an... incident, regarding the teleporter in its prototype stage. I assure you it's perfectly safe now--"

"Perfectly safe?!" Barney's eyes widened incredulously. "It was about to tear Gordon in half, and you think the damn thing is safe?" 

"Barney, look, Dr. Kleiner is working with incredibly limited resources. The teleporter was doing its job, but something went wrong. We probably had a brown-out. You know how unreliable power is out here." Alyx folded her arms, clearly used to being a voice of reason. Gordon decided she was the most trustworthy person in the room, for the time being. No offense to his thesis advisor. 

"Yes, yes, that's precisely it. We've tested the teleporter countless times, now if I can just figure out what went wrong..." Kleiner stepped to the machine and pored over it curiously.

"It was probably that damn _critter_ you keep around, biting the cables and tryin' to zombify them." Barney grumbled. 

Alyx sighed. "Barney, Lamarr doesn't have _teeth_."

Gordon watched the three bicker with a bewildered grin plastered on his face. What the hell was going on? Who the hell was Lamarr, and why didn't they have teeth? He started when he felt a hand at the back of his head, messing with his ponytail.

"Hey, this is weird. You didn't still have your rat-tail when I picked you up at the station..." Barney mused. "Nostalgic as all hell, though." 

Gordon whipped his head about too quickly, looking flustered. "Wh- wait, it's not a rat-tail, that's a different thing, and-- huh? Station?"

"Barney, I have something difficult to tell you." Kleiner adjusted his glasses, expression severe. "I don't believe that the Gordon in the chair before you is _our_ Gordon."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alternate Universe Theory?" Coomer hummed. "Well yes, I suppose it could be something like that." 

After a decent amount of time, Coomer had convinced Bubby to translate for Gordon, at least for the present moment. Bubby watched Gordon's hands with a stony expression, speaking every couple of sentences, as Gordon posited his theory as to why he was suddenly with the science team, and not back in Kleiner's lab.

_The general idea is that in the event of the existence of these different worlds, they cannot interact or communicate, and this inability prevents the occurrence of paradox scenarios._ Gordon paused to let Bubby translate.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The problem is, when you throw another variable into the equation, like mankind developing the ability to teleport, what was thought of as rigid suddenly becomes a lot less stable, more fluid." Gordon continued, pointing to the now-unplugged teleporter in the corner of the lab. 

"So your current hypothesis is that whatever went wrong during the teleportation..." Kleiner started.

"... led to the convergence of two universes that were never supposed to be able to interact, yes." Gordon nodded. "I always knew that the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle was a crock of shit. They were just unwilling to face the possibility of a paradox scenario." 

Kleiner chuckled fondly. This may not have been his Gordon, but he'd spent countless hours watching Gordon rant about closed timelike curves and their implications on time-space travel. He couldn't help but be charmed by the familiarity of it. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So you mean you come from some other universe, or something?" Benrey finally spoke up from his perch. 

Gordon looked up to meet his gaze, nodding slowly. _Yes, at least, that's what I think must have happened. Where I come from, the Resonance Cascade was 20 years ago, and Earth has fallen apart since then._

An uncomfortable silence fell as those words left Bubby's mouth. 

"Fallen apart? You mean like, like global warming, or something?" Tommy pursed his lips, anxiously picking at the threads of his slacks. 

_I wish it was only that. I don't know everything about it myself, I...._ Gordon paused, and Bubby muttered in frustration.

"I can't follow along if you don't finish your statements." He complained, folding his arms and tapping a finger against his own bicep.

_Sorry. It's not an easy topic._ Gordon exhaled through his nose. _Essentially, there was an alien takeover. I wasn't even there to witness it._ He gripped his fists, mouth thinning bitterly. 

"So that's gonna happen...?" Tommy seemed glum. 

"Perhaps not, Tommy." Dr. Coomer reassured. "That only happens in this particular Gordon's timeline. It may not necessarily come to pass in our own." 

"Where is he?" Benrey spoke again. He didn't sound impatient, per se, but there was an edge to his voice. "Where's the Gordon for our world?" 

_If I were to guess, I would assume he's where I was before I got here. He's probably at Dr. Kleiner's lab in City 17--_ Gordon's arms stilled a moment. _I realize those words probably mean nothing to you. Either way, he's in good hands, I bet._

Benrey was still and silent for a moment, then wordlessly hopped off of the table and wandered to another part of the room. Gordon tilted his head, perplexed. 

"Oh, don't worry about that, Gordon." Coomer lifted his hands in a placating motion. "Benrey isn't always the most responsive or easy-to-understand fellow. You didn't do anything wrong."

Gordon sighed. Despite Coomer's reassurances, he couldn't help but feel uneasy. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So our Gordon is with a bunch of people--" Alyx began.

"Black Mesa!? The hell is he doing back there?" Barney sputtered. 

"Back there? What are you talking about?" Gordon blinked, confused. 

Kleiner was eager to speak before Barney could go on an expletive-laden tirade. "Well, as it is, this universe is at the point that the Resonance Cascade was 20 years in the past." 

"Twenty--" Gordon wheezed as if struck, looking at Kleiner with alarm. And now that he looked, he could see that _yes_ , his old professor looked much... _older_. More wrinkles, less hair, and a heavy weariness weighing on his shoulders. Gordon suddenly felt overcome by a profound sadness. 

That sorrow quickly turned to anxiety. "Wait, twenty years? So, that means Joshua is... I don't think I'm ready to see Joshua that old..." 

After a moment of quiet, Barney spoke. "Gordon... Who is Joshua?" 

"Joshua-- my son. You know, Dr. Kleiner, my son, Joshua, right?" Gordon laughed nervously. 

"Gordon... In this universe, you never had any children." Kleiner rested a hand on Gordon's knee. "I don't know who you're talking about, but Joshua doesn't exist here." 

He couldn't quite place why, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back for Gordon, and he dropped his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. He felt a broad, firm hand on his back, but didn't bother looking up to see who it was. He had a feeling he knew, anyway.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the cold, dark halls of Black Mesa, Gordon felt his eyes line with tears, for reasons unknown to him. Yes, he was stressed, but he'd taken much more than this before. Why now, of all times? He shook his head to clear it. 

_I think we should get a move on._ Gordon looked between the four-- no, three, Benrey had wandered off too far-- of them, his expression serious. _Our goal should be to get your friend back to you, and I need to get back to everyone waiting for me back home._ He paused. _I want to help you all escape Black Mesa, I do, but I also think we need to undo this as soon as possible, before the repercussions for our universes become too great._

As Bubby finished Gordon's final statement, Tommy nodded. "You're right, Mr. Freeman. Time and space, they're-- they're tangling, like a cat playing with a ball of yarn. We have to be very careful."

Gordon looked to Tommy, eyes widening in alarm. For the briefest moment, he could have sworn he saw the older scientist's eyes flash in the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fellas, is it gay to play with the guy who looks like your best bro's hair while reminiscing fondly?
> 
> I reaaaally enjoy writing the shifting perspectives, it feels like a fun challenge.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Gordon have a grass-is-greener moment but the illusion is quickly dispelled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting some action! Please expect canon-typical violence from here on. Someone gets shot.

Following some brief deliberation, the Science Team decided that their best bet was to continue towards the Lambda Lab, in hopes that the advanced equipment stored there would be sufficient to send Gordon back to where he came from. Initially, Dr. Coomer had suggested they remain in the hazmat storage area, where the switch had initially happened, but Bubby quickly begged off, not keen on staying in one place and potentially putting the onus of action on their universe's Gordon to find a way to reverse the change.

Gordon felt confident that they could find their way quickly enough. After all, he'd done this all before, and was pleasantly surprised to find that his sense of direction hadn't faded much over time. Plus, he had already seen all the horrors Xen had to offer, so he barely even blinked when the group was confronted by a group of aliens. Admittedly, he did feel guilty about having to fight the vortigaunts, knowing what he knew now about their circumstances, but he didn't have much other choice.

He was honestly starting to feel quite optimistic. Yes, he was in an uncertain scenario, but he could easily traverse Black Mesa a second time. If any unresolved traumas came up, he would just compartmentalize them until he got back home. A small grin played along his lips as he moved through the halls of Black Mesa with the Science Team. He wondered if this universe's Gordon realized how easy he had it.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, in City 17, Dr. Kleiner made a risky request.

"Our best bet is to secure a more stable means of teleportation. The Combine use advanced teleporters to move from place to place-- if we can get our hands on the components of a Combine teleporter, I feel we'll have more luck." He paused. "It's risky, but I believe that finding a Combine outpost and obtaining those components is our best bet. Once you have them, I suggest you head to Eli's lab in Black Mesa East. You can take the canals to get there."

Gordon's brows raised. "The... Combine? You told me they're the ones who took over earth, right?"

Alyx answered for Kleiner. "Yes, and there's no way I'm letting you go raiding one of their remote bases on your own." She shot Barney a questioning gaze. "You feel the same, right?"

"I should probably stay here and look after Dr. Kleiner..." Barney frowned. "But I can't say I'm keen on throwing Gordon into the hornet's nest totally blind. I wasn't really keen on it before, either..."

"The three of you working together stand a much better chance of success." Kleiner agreed. "You needn't worry about me, Barney. I'll be able to handle myself just fine. I'll just keep the lab locked up."

"If we're going to do this, we should let Dad know." Alyx gestured towards a screen on the near wall.

"Of course. I'll set up communication with him." Kleiner hunched over a computer for a few moments. The screen crackled to life, hummed with static for a few moments, and then a grainy video feed appeared. Gordon blinked. This man's face was familiar, at least. He recognized Eli as someone he'd worked with in Black Mesa. 

"Isaac, what's going on? Have you still got Gordon?" Dr. Vance leaned closer to his own monitor, trying to pick out the faces in the room.

Dr. Kleiner pursed his lips for a moment. "Well, yes and no, Eli. I can't explain everything at the moment, I'll fill you in on the details later, but the Gordon we have in the lab isn't this universe's Gordon. I have a plan to get our Gordon back, but it's a risky one. It will involve the use of your lab, as welI."

"I'm no stranger to risk-taking." Eli's gaze flickered as he looked at the others. "Well, then, Gordon. Nice to meet you." He chuckled at his own joke, corners of his eyes crinkling. Gordon felt his heart warm. There was an undeniable _dad_ quality about Eli, and it was strangely comforting. "I'm guessing you'll be sending an entourage, then, Isaac?"

"Indeed." Isaac paused. "They'll be obtaining advanced equipment from a nearby Combine outpost before taking the canals to reach you."

The audio hissed as Eli sucked a breath through his teeth. Something about the proposition clearly made him uncomfortable, but he shook his head before smiling again. "If it's our best bet at getting Gordon back, then it can't be helped. Be careful, you three. And no wild stunts, do you understand, Alyx?" 

From her position in the middle of the room, Alyx folded her arms, grinning. "No promises, Dad." 

Gordon watched everyone interacting, feeling both endeared and strangely disconnected. There was no bickering, no violence, just people with deep interpersonal connections talking things out. He sighed inwardly. The Gordon of this universe really had it easy, huh?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Science Team continued down the winding hallways and labyrinthian tramways of Black Mesa, quickly eliminating any soldiers or aliens in their path. This was easy. This was doable. This wouldn't be a problem.

In one corridor, Gordon found a security guard ducking and covering. He approached the man calmly. _Are you hurt?_

The guard looked at Gordon before sighing in relief. "Hey, Freeman, I'm sure glad to see you. Think my arm's broken, but it--"

A gunshot rang out, and Gordon tensed as a bullet whizzed past his head, nailing the security guard square in the face. He dropped like a sack of bricks. Gordon looked back at the Science Team, wide-eyed. Benrey stood calmly, holding his magnum and looking at the smoking barrel. "Oh, woah, who did that?" 

Gordon stood stock-still for a moment before stepping up to Benrey. _What was that._ His expression was unreadable. 

Bubby opened his mouth to translate, but Benrey held up a hand. "I got it, man. Human languages are easy." He looked at Gordon. "What was what, bro?" 

Gordon pointed at the dead security guard, then at the gun in Benrey's hands. Benrey snorted.

"What do you mean? He's sleeping. It's fine, bro." He smirked, a little bit. "Calm down." 

The physicist's eyes widened, and he grabbed Benrey by the vest with one hand. Benrey's expression didn't shift, but he rested a hand on top of the one holding him, gripping roughly. 

"Why are you so mad? You didn't know that guy, did you?" Benrey picked at his nose with the pinky of his free hand. "He's not from your world, so why do you think I did something bad?"

Gordon's lips pulled back slightly, baring his teeth. _Did you know him?_

Benrey yawned. "Huh?" 

Gordon's eyes widened, and he let go of Benrey's vest. Every muscle in his body was tense. He turned to the rest of the science team. _What the hell was that?_

Bubby shrugged. "Gordon, I don't see what the big problem is, here. We should just keep moving. Who cares about one security guard?"

_Do you not?! That was a living person!_ Gordon's signing grew increasingly emphatic as he got more agitated. 

"Man, I thought you were different." Benrey took several steps away from Gordon, eyeing him with a measure of annoyance. "But you're just like my Gordon, only you don't talk. And also... why did you cut your hair?"

The absurdity of such a question during such a tense argument disarmed Gordon almost instantly, and his shoulders slacked as his expression turned to confusion. _My hair?_

"He's right, Gordon." Dr. Coomer chimed in. "You're missing the little ponytail. Did you just not have it in your universe?" 

_I used to, but when I woke up from stasis after leaving Xen, it was gone, so--_. He paused. _Wait, why are we talking about this, we really need to address the fact that--_

Bubby rolled his eyes. "I don't want to sit around all day arguing with a brick wall. I'm done, I'm going ahead."

"Excellent idea, Bubby! At this rate, we should reach the Lambda Lab in a few hours!" Coomer followed Bubby as he stalked off.

Tommy looked back at Gordon briefly, and Gordon could have sworn the man's expression was apologetic. It didn't linger, though, and Tommy was soon trailing behind the others. 

Benrey looked at Gordon with a blank expression, but there was a smug aura surrounding him nonetheless. "Ready to go, Gordon2?" 

Gordon stared hard at Benrey for a few moments. _Yeah. Let's go._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon was starting to regret thinking that his counterpart had it easy. 

He, Alyx and Barney had set out towards the canals, with the plan to infiltrate a Combine outpost that stood along the path in order to get their hands on the materials to create a more stable teleporter. They would have to traverse the canals by airboat, given that the standing water in the canals was heavily irradiated and highly toxic. 

Gordon, however, had never driven an airboat in his life, and he was beginning to think that this is where his life would _end_ , too. 

"Jesus, Doc, don't take those turns so hard!" Barney looked a little green around the gills, clearly motion sickness was getting the better of him. 

  
"Sorry! First time. Uh, maybe one of you two wanna pilot for a while?" Gordon glanced at his companions in turn.

"You're doing fine, Gordon. No one's an expert when they start." Alyx snickered. She could have easily taken the wheel, but she was getting more entertainment out of this than she cared to admit. 

Despite Alyx's teasing reassurance, Gordon's technique didn't improve much. A swell of anxiety rose in his stomach every time the water splashed upwards. Even the HEV Suit couldn't withstand being submerged in the stuff, and neither Barney nor Alyx had appropriate hazmat gear. 

After what felt like an eternity of speeding, bouncing off of waves, and loud cursing and groaning from Barney, Alyx pointed to an oppressive-looking structure on the horizon. "That's our stop." Her expression turned severe. "It's gonna be really dangerous, I promise you that much, but what other option do we have? Besides, I'm glad to do anything that leaves the Combine at a disadvantage." 

Gordon skidded the airboat to a halt on the bank of the canal, letting the others deboard before carefully stepping off himself. He watched Alyx and Barney walk ahead of him for a while, blinking as they suddenly stopped. In fact, it looked as if everything had stopped. He looked around anxiously. What the hell was going on?

"Dr. Freeman..." A voice from behind him. It was measured and rasping, but there was a strange clarity to the enunciation that sent chills down Gordon's spine. He turned to face the source of the voice, finding a strange older man in a standard business suit. 

  
"Huh...?" 

"It is a pleasure, to finally make your, eh, acquaintance, Mister Freeman." The man smiled, the expression seeming unnatural on his aging features. "It is, indeed, very curious... to have you, here. Your presence has become... A catalyst, you see, and the universe you are in now, will face consequences, for your sudden intrusion." Before Gordon could speak to defend himself, the man continued. "Not that I, wish to blame you for... this circumstance that you had no hand in." He adjusted his tie. "I simply came to... warn you, at the behest of my employers." 

Gordon's mouth opened and closed a few times. In looks alone, the man before him was just some sickly-looking old guy with a briefcase, but the more he spoke, the more Gordon felt ill at ease. Something in his cadence was disturbing, unsettling. It felt like he was only biding his time, patient, but eager. "Who are you?" 

The man's eyes flashed brightly for a moment, and Gordon's stomach turned in shock. "Those who have witnessed me, or heard of me, have taken to calling me... The G-Man, and I am certain that, _you_ , will do the same." He smiled again. It would have been a friendly gesture if Gordon wasn't so terrified. "You must, understand, something, Mr. Freeman. There is an... inevitability, things that are _going_ to happen, no matter what. As for now, I am doing my utmost to... forestall the eventual flow of events, while you attempt to return home. I cannot, hold them, forever. You are on... a tight schedule." He began to turn. "Act, quickly." 

In a moment, he was gone, and the sound of chatter filled Gordon's ears as Barney and Alyx continued their conversation, like they had never been interrupted at all. Gordon turned to them in a panic. "Hey, what the hell was that?"

Barney looked at Gordon with concern. "What was what?" He tilted his head. "You feeling okay, Doc?" 

Gordon opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it shut. Memories of a certain skeleton that only he had seen came to mind, and left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. "No, nevermind. I was just imagining things." He sighed. "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thats another chapter done! I need to start writing more substance in the VRVerse, which is coming, i promise!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Gordon has a stern talk to his companions, the other gains some new knowledge. Both Gordons learn the hard way that the multiverse actively works to maintain certain constants between frayed timelines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be cautious with this chapter, the depiction is vague but there is very clearly some canon-typical violence vis-a-vis Gordon's body and wellbeing.

Gordon was starting to get used to his dynamic vis-a-vis the Science Team. They were disorganized, yes, but each one had their own strength. Dr. Coomer was a wellspring of information, and his physical and mental fortitude were formidable. Bubby had excellent spatial reasoning skills, and was quite the strategist. Tommy was earnest, and had incredible working knowledge about the various facilities and faculties around Black Mesa. Benrey was... Unpredictable, but very helpful whenever he chose to cooperate. 

Gordon had figured out what he believed to be the best modes of communication with all of them. His main concerns were Bubby and Benrey. With Tommy and Coomer, he could be straightforward about his expectations and ask them to help him without much trouble. With Bubby, he had to be more roundabout, playing at deferential, if he wanted to make the older scientist budge. Gordon had dealt with stubborn people before, and Bubby was perhaps the most bull-headed person he'd met to date, but he could work with it. As for Benrey, Gordon would just throw about anything at the wall and see what stuck. It seemed to be totally random. 

Benrey had taken to calling him "Gordon2," which he supposed made sense from the standpoint of the universe he was in. To them, he was not Gordon Prime, so to speak, and his outsider status was implied in the new title. He understood, but it did feel somewhat alienating. A part of him wondered if Benrey was pushing his buttons on purpose. It seemed in line with the security guard's behavior. 

Furthermore, he had come to realize that it wasn't just Benrey who killed for no reason. All of them seemed to do it to a degree. Dr. Coomer explained that he had to do it, killing his clones to make him stronger, and while it pained Gordon greatly to just swallow that and accept it, he felt he didn't have much other choice. Thinking thus, he resolved to simply pretend each of them had _some_ decent reason to kill the remaining Black Mesa staff. Besides, knowing what lay ahead, perhaps a quick death was a blessing. While Gordon would never be _happy_ about it, he had found some way of coming to terms with it. Instead, he made a point to take the lead as often as possible, trying to find the faculty first and guide the Science Team away from them, when he could. 

They stopped briefly in a long, dim hallway, the south-facing wall mostly barren save for a couple of vending machines that hummed and provided some scant light. Dr. Coomer made short work of ripping the doors of the machines open, and the Science Team proceeded to dig in. Gordon took a can for himself, looking at the label and sighing. Water would have been preferable, or gatorade, or _something_ , but hydration was hydration. 

"Orange soda is, it's definitely my favorite." Tommy cradled a can of the precious stuff in both hands. 

"I'm a clear soda sort of man, myself. Fruit soda always tastes cloying." Bubby pulled the tab off of his own drink with his teeth.

"You can't beat a refreshing Cola beverage." Dr. Coomer chuckled. Benrey remained silent as he drank his own pop. 

Gordon half-listened to the discussion at hand as he spaced out, gazing down the long, empty corridor that would bleed into the next, and then the next... He felt a strange sense of dread creeping up his throat, but tried to stifle it.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alyx looked behind herself as the trio hiked towards the Combine outpost. "Alright, so we have to be pretty quiet from here on out." She laughed softly. "It feels weird telling you to shush up and meaning it, Gordon, but in all seriousness, we want to get the jump on the Combine, so if we encounter anything before we arrive, we need to deal with it without bullets, if possible." 

Barney pulled the stun baton from his utility belt before turning to Gordon. "Luckily, I have an extra on me... Honestly, after seeing you use them before, I always try to keep at least one on hand." Gordon blinked in confusion, a bit lost until Barney held out a sturdy-looking crowbar to him. "They're damn useful for opening things up." He winked.

Gordon cleared his throat, unsure why he felt embarrassed suddenly, but took the offered tool without a fuss. "Thanks. I'll make sure to get this back to you." 

To the side, Alyx worried her lip with her teeth, but chose not to comment, yet. "If that's that, then let's keep moving." 

Gordon had hoped that they might not encounter anything too messy, so he was thrown when he spotted something that might have been human once, hunkered over and covered in what appeared to be black headcrabs. 

"Hey." He whispered, a sharp hiss. "What the fuck is _that_." 

"Poison headcrab zombie." Alyx answered. "God, that's just what we need right now." 

"There's poisonous ones?" Gordon looked horrified. Beside him, Barney readied his baton. 

"Yeah, Doc, and they're _fast_ , so keep on your toes. Here he comes..." 

Gordon thought he was prepared for it to charge them, but he wasn't at all prepared for the zombie to _throw_ a headcrab at him. Gordon had never in his life been attacked by something more poisonous than a wasp, but few things on earth could have prepared him for what a bite from a poison headcrab felt like. He dropped, immediately, as if his entire nervous system had forced a reboot. 

"Gordon!" Barney rushed to his aid, smacking the headcrab away from him and crushing it quickly before gathering Gordon under one of his arms. "Just hang in there. Dr. Kleiner upgraded your suit with an antidote for that." 

"Barney...!" Alyx's voice was more hushed. "That's not the upgraded suit! You have some on hand, right?" 

"Yeah, gimme a second." Barney's voice grew softer, too, remembering that they needed to keep it down. Gordon heard fabric shifting and shuffling, then heard Barney murmur a gentle apology before feeling a sharp prick against his neck. The antidote was fast-acting, all things considered, and Gordon quickly felt like he could feel his body again, legs aching as he finally regained the ability to stand on his own. "There ya go. Nice and easy." 

Over the initial shock of getting bitten, Gordon was _pissed_. He didn't want the others at risk of getting poisoned, and he didn't know how much of the antidote they had on hand, so he took a gamble and rushed the zombie, laying into it mercilessly. The headcrabs were more vulnerable while still attached, it seemed, and he was able to bring the zombie down before it could literally launch another attack at the group. 

Barney approached to light-heartedly scold him about putting himself in danger, and Alyx smacked him gently on the shoulder in the same spirit, but Gordon was only half-focused. His heart skipped, taking his breath momentarily, and he couldn't figure out why he felt so anxious. He chalked it up to the situation at hand, for the time being. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It hadn't taken Gordon long to clue in on Benrey and Bubby talking behind his back. He didn't draw attention to it, nor did he question them, not yet. He was certain that out of the group, they were the ones who liked him the least, and a part of him wanted to address the issue, but he was too focused on the unease that kept hitting him in waves, leaving him feeling sick to his stomach. 

All at once, Gordon realized what was bothering him, and it hit him like a ton of bricks. They were drawing ever closer to where marines were in hiding, ready to ambush them. At least, that was what had happened in his universe, and he had a feeling the same would apply here. 

His mouth twitched, and he suddenly found himself grinning, almost laughing. He figured it was just a combination of nerves and adrenaline, but something about knowing _just_ what was about to happen had him nearly cackling. He could use this to his advantage! For once, he wasn't completely lost, caught up in a whirlwind of uncertainty and fear. He knew what was in store, and he could take control of it! 

So why did he still feel so ill?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The remaining several hundred meters of trekking went by without further incident, and the trio found themselves at the back wall of the compound, gazing at it as it jutted pale gray against the surrounding landscape. 

"Well... This is it." Alyx's voice was barely a whisper. "You guys ready?"

"Hold on." Gordon lifted a hand. "Do we know what to look for, or even where this teleporter will be? Or if they even have one?"

"There's bound to be one inside." Alyx reassured. "The Combine use teleportation to get around all the time. The component we're going after will be whatever it is the Combine use as the main trigger for the teleportation function."

Gordon thought about it. "Wait, doesn't that mean we're going to have to dismantle the whole teleporter to get to that?"

"Probably." Barney jutted in. "At least, we can just whack at it until the thing's broken down enough for us to take what we need."

Gordon's brows furrowed. It sounded like an awful lot of guesswork and not a lot of solid theory, but he felt there was no choice. He certainly couldn't think of an alternative, given his current position. "Okay. Then, let's do this, I guess."

"Good answer, Doc. Weapons out, everyone."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they turned another corner, Gordon lifted his arm, signaling the party to stop.

"Gordon? What's the issue? We ought to be getting a move on if we're to reach the Lambda Lab in any decent amount of time." Coomer looked at Gordon inquisitively.

_I'm going to head into this room. I want you guys to stay back and watch the door._

As Bubby translated, he and Benrey shared a glimpse that didn't go unnoticed by Gordon. He furrowed his brows, but made no comment. They could address that concern later.

"Are you sure, Mister Freeman? Shouldn't we stick close?" Tommy seemed very worried.

"Fret not, Tommy. I'm sure Gordon knows what he's doing."

The irony of such a statement was not lost on Gordon. He entered the room ahead of them and looked around, eyes darting to every corner and crevice. He swore he caught a glimpse of olive drab peeking from behind a storage crate.

Then the lights went out.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Combine outpost was too empty, too quiet. Save for a single door guard they had dispatched near the back entrance, they had yet to encounter any other combatants. An ambush seemed certain, but they kept on track, cautiously searching room after room.

It only took them a few minutes to find what they were looking for, coming upon what appeared to be a storage area with a large, imposing teleporter looming over them from the far wall.

"Okay. One of us should go dismantle it while the others watch the door." Barney's suggestion was reasonable, and Gordon and Alyx nodded.

"I'll work on taking it apart, if it's all the same to you two." Gordon gestured at himself. "I've never seen any of this tech in my life, but my whole study focus was on teleportation, I have an idea of what to look out for."

Alyx paused, then nodded. "And while I'm more familiar with Combine tech, I didn't exactly go to school for it. I know a lot, but I have faith in you, too." She smiled. Like Eli, Alyx's warm grin made Gordon feel a lot more at ease. He gave a nervous smile in return.

"Careful, Doc." Barney's voice was heavy with concern. Gordon patted his shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring motion, then turned to lightly jog to the teleporter, crowbar in hand. How hard could it be?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon's heart started racing, pounding in his ears, but he forced himself to keep still, to keep his breathing calm. He had to focus, he had to listen...

There were two sets of footsteps approaching from the side, quickly. Gordon held his breath. They were closer. Closer still. He could hear their breathing.

They clearly didn't expect Gordon to whip around and swipe at them with the crowbar, judging by pained grunting and the sound of metal against flesh and bone. Judging by the auditory cues, they'd knocked their heads together. Gordon turned about, clicking on the flashlight built into the HEV Suit. One of the two attackers swung out with a combat knife, missing Gordon by a few inches. Gordon internally thanked whatever deity was listening for making the soldiers wear night-vision gear, then lashed out with the crowbar again before they could take said gear off.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon looked over the teleporter and took a shaky breath. He wasn't sure where exactly to start. He knelt in the center of the console, taking his crowbar to one of the panels and trying to unscrew it. Luckily, it seemed that alien screws functioned almost identically to human ones, and he pried the panel loose, exposing wires and parts beneath the base. One of these parts had to be the right one, right? He reached down into the body of the teleporter with one arm, groping about and trying to find the jackpot.

It took a few minutes of digging, but eventually, he had his hand around what he was looking for-- a crystalline object that was likely used to power the teleporter. How was he going to pull it up and out, though?

There was a sudden pneumatic hiss, and Gordon's blood ran cold. He looked up. A hidden door on the back wall had opened up, and several Combine poured into the room. Behind him, he could hear Alyx and Barney open fire. One of the Combine approached Gordon on the teleporter, looking down at him.

From behind the mask, a distorted voice. "Little thief." The combine reached for the console and activated the teleporter. The maglev technology whirred and groaned, then started to spin. From the hole Gordon had opened in the base, there was a sickening crunch, then a snap. Gordon heard someone scream. Wait, was that his voice?

Then, Gordon blacked out. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon had made short work of the two soldiers, and was anticipating a further ambush, but there was just quiet. Nonetheless, he flinched when the lights flickered back on.

"Why couldn't you just cooperate?!" Bubby grabbed Gordon by the shoulder, trying to spin the physicist around to face him.

"Yeah, what gives, man, they weren't gonna hurt you, just kill you a little." Benrey stared at Gordon unblinkingly. Gordon shot Benrey a harsh glare.

_Luckily, I've been through this before. I knew that there were soldiers waiting here. What I did_ not _know, is that this time the people I am helping are actively trying to sell me out to the military._

"To be fair, Gordon, I had no part in this discussion, and I don't believe Tommy did, either." Coomer folded his arms behind his back. "I know you must be upset, but it's important for all of us to stay calm."

"Don't make it out like I'm some sort of bootlicker, Gordon." Bubby growled. "I want to get _out_ of this place, and the soldiers offered to help if we gave you over to them."

"Yeah, G2, come on, man. Give us some credit. If we wanted you dead, we could have done it ourselves." A smile pulled at the corners of Benrey's mouth, but it looked forced and unnatural.

Gordon took the hand gripping his shoulder and pushed it away. His arm felt like it was on fire. He wondered if it had to do with Bubby's grip. _Your naivety is astounding. You do realize the military is here to kill everyone so word of the Resonance Cascade can't get out, right? They were never going to help you._

Bubby snarled, but his sneer quickly lost its fervor, and eventually his expression dropped.

"Mr. Freeman is right, Bubby... The, the military can't be trusted." Tommy looked woeful. "I know you want to go home, I do too... I wanna see my dog, again... But the soldiers won't help us. Mr. Freeman, he can, though! He knows the way out...!"

"And what are we gonna do when we get to the Lambda Lab, and he leaves us, huh?" Bubby averted his gaze.

"Well, then we'll find the way out with our own Gordon. Just getting to the Lambda Lab is wonderful progress, Bubby, and having Gordon with us here will help us." Coomer's hand rested on Bubby's back, patting gently. Bubby's shoulders slumped.

"Ugh..." Bubby turned away from the group. "Fine. But you won't see me smiling about it."

"Then it's settled! Let's get going, gentlemen!" Coomer paced away from the room in a hurry. Bubby followed him without giving Gordon a second look. Benrey strolled away, briefly looking back at Gordon with an unreadable expression. Tommy lingered, putting a hand on Gordon's arm. It twitched.

"Mr. Freeman...? I know you're upset, but please don't-- don't worry. Bubby will come around. And Benrey... He's not really on the military's side. He's on... he's on his own side. It's gonna... it's gonna be okay."

Gordon looked at Tommy for a moment, then smiled, weakly. His arm still felt like it was on pins and needles. He tried to shove the pain into the back of his mind. _Thanks, Tommy._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon came to cradled up against somebody's chest. It felt like his ears were stuffed with cotton, and he could barely make out voices around him.

".... it tighter.... staunch the..."

"...trying... slick.... the blood..."

The next sensation to return was feeling, and _god_ the thing he felt the most was pain! It felt like someone was holding a hot iron against his elbow. He tried to remember what happened. The Combine had approached him on the teleporter, and...

His vision came back. Barney was holding him close, and Alyx was holding his arm out to tend to it. Or, what was left of it. Gordon broke into a cold sweat as he realized that there _was_ no arm left past the elbow.

"Auugh!!"

Barney started, then looked down at Gordon in alarm. "Oh, shit, you're awake... Just hang in there, Gordon." One of Barney's hands planted itself firmly on the side of Gordon's face, clearing the sweat from his jaw.

"God... It-- fuckin' hurts..!" Gordon hissed through clenched teeth.

Alyx gave Gordon an apologetic glance from her position in front. "We had some medicine on hand, it'll numb it a bit, just give it a minute..." She couldn't muster an encouraging smile, this time. "The Combine... Of course they had a trick door. They must have known we were coming. A camera we didn't notice, or something..."

Gordon gasped as Alyx tightened a belt around the base of his arm, using it as a makeshift tourniquet. "What about the component...?"

A heavy sigh. Alyx looked a little sick. "Your... Your hand was on it. I got it out of the teleporter once we had stopped the worst of the bleeding..." She held up the crystal before putting it away in her bag.

"God... thank fuck we got _that_ out of the way, at least..." Gordon let his head drop against Barney's hand, feeling exhausted. "We just gotta... get to the lab, now..." His breath came strained and raspy.

Alyx pursed her lips, then nodded. "Yeah. The sooner the better." Something was clearly concerning her, but for now, she kept quiet. It could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done! This one feels very long, but necessary. VRGordon suffers a lot here, but fret not! HL2Gordon will have his turn soon enough. 
> 
> Basically, everyone will eventually be okay, but there's a lot to work through first.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon has a difficult revelation about Barney, and Gordon gains a newfound respect for Benrey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter! It feels like a lot of progress is made.

It took Gordon a while before he could force himself to stand up, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to focus on anything other than the pain. He swayed in place for a moment, feeling nauseous, holding to the wall for support with his remaining hand. He took a deep breath to try and center himself. They were probably still in danger, they needed to move.

Barney wasn't more than a foot away at any moment as they navigated their way back to the canal, Alyx solemnly gripping the wheel of the airboat as she climbed on. "I'll pilot. I've taken this route plenty of times, I'll get us there as quick as I can."

Gordon nodded, not wanting to open his mouth out of fear that he might vomit.

Alyx was decidedly a better driver than Gordon, and she carefully navigated the canals, trying to avoid jarring them as much as possible. Barney kept an arm firmly around Gordon's shoulder, holding him up and gripping his forearm to keep him from falling out. Gordon shut his eyes again, frustrated. He couldn't stand feeling so helpless.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

The journey through the waste processing facility was mostly silent, which was uncommon for the Science Team. Bubby was still steaming with frustration, and Dr. Coomer had stopped trying to reason with him, opting instead to continue his occasional commentary on the landscape. Tommy looked anxious, and kept flexing and curling his fingers as they walked. Even Benrey was mostly silent, pensive. Gordon decided he preferred the Science Team`s behavior pre-ambush. 

The labyrinth of conveyor belts and waste pools was frustrating enough the first time, when Gordon wasn't guiding four other people across the treacherous terrain. The added responsibility created, in Dr. Freeman's mind, a greater fear of failure. Furthermore, he could just _feel_ the others judging his every move, and the silent scrutiny was starting to get under his skin. 

By the time they made it out of the conveyor room, Gordon's spine was a bundled mess of misfiring nerves, his anxiety reaching a boiling point. As the group moved ahead, he paused to take a deep breath. He couldn't afford to lose his composure, he couldn't afford to slip. They still had so far to go before even making it outside.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alyx proved indeed to be an excellent airboat captain, and they were docked at Black Mesa East before Gordon even realized it. Granted, he'd been floating in and out of consciousness the whole time, but the fact that Barney's face was still a healthy, non-green color told Gordon all he needed to know about how decent a driver Alyx was in comparison to himself. 

Barney carefully pulled Gordon from the airboat as Alyx ran ahead for aid. They were anticipated, so fortunately, there was already a welcome party awaiting them. Eli was all smiles, but his expression fell the moment his eyes landed on Gordon and Barney. "Gordon...? God, what happened to you?"

"Gordon's hurt, Dr. Vance. Bad hurt. We need to get him on a medical table and with one of the vorts _now_." Barney's voice came out a bit strained. 

Gordon tried to smile at Eli through the pain, still a bit delirious from the pain. "Hey, uh... Sorry you have to see me like this..." 

Eli waved a hand. "No apologies. Let's get you taken care of." 

Two figures approached Gordon cautiously, each taking one shoulder. Gordon noted with muted surprise that they were the same aliens that he had seen in Black Mesa. He was too weak and exhausted to struggle, but they seemed friendly enough, anyway. Maybe he could ask about it later. 

"The Freeman has taken grievous injury." One of the aliens mused. Barney had said something about a "vort." Was that what these were called? That was Gordon's last thought before he fell into the darkness of sleep once again.

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"That's odd." Dr. Coomer mused. "I feel like... something was supposed to be in here."

They stood before a large tube, the kind that one might see in a sci-fi film about suspended animation. Bubby's lip curled.

"Yeah, once upon a time. _Me_. I hate this damn thing. Let's just get out of here."

"Now, Bubby, wait..." Dr. Coomer's expression turned more serious. "When I say something was supposed to be in here, I mean as in right now, as we approach. The fact that it's empty feels... Wrong." 

Tommy had been quiet, but he slowly lowered his head, staring at his shoes before speaking. "It's because of the timeline... it's fraying at the seams, like a well-loved teddy bear." He looked back up, eyes casting towards Gordon. "Because Mister Freeman from, from another timeline was brought here, he changed the way things were supposed to go. I think there's a lot of stuff we were supposed to see, but we didn't." He paused, picking at his fingertips. "I dunno if that makes me glad, or not."

Gordon paid close attention to Tommy as the man spoke. Yes, everything he said made perfect sense, but there was something else. Not his manner, but his _cadence_. Whenever Tommy spoke, especially on serious matters, Gordon felt his heart rate rise. Why was this happening? 

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Gordon awoke slowly, still not feeling quite right. His head was buzzing, but the pain in his arm was reduced to a dull throb now and again, which he could manage. Slowly, he looked around. He could tell he was in some rudimentary medical station, the bed he was laid in not particularly soft but comfortable enough to help alleviate some of his exhaustion. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, he heard voices outside the door, and stopped to listen.

"You been waiting out here the whole time?" That must be Alyx. 

"Yeah... In case he wakes up. He needs someone to keep an eye on him right now." The drawling voice was unmistakably Barney's. "What you been up to?" 

"I was working on something... It isn't perfect, but he's going to need something to make up for losing that arm. I'm pretty sure he's right-dominant, so..." 

"Yeah. Gordon's right-handed." Barney sounded tired. Had he really been sitting before the door the whole time Gordon slept?

"Look, Barney... I need to talk to you." There was that concern that Alyx had been wearing on her face, now dripping in her tone. Gordon strained to listen.

"What's up?" Barney tried to disguise his unease with nonchalance. 

"Look... I know how it is. I can't say I know what you're going through, but I know you miss him, and I do too, but... This isn't our Gordon." Alyx sounded almost woeful. "When you go to him, and you hold him close, or brush his hair out of his face, and all the other kind, intimate things you would do for our Gordon, it worries me."

"I'm..!" There was a slight hesitation on Barney's end. "I'm just makin' sure he's okay. The man's hurt, Alyx." 

"Yes, but even before that, like back in Dr. Kleiner's lab. I'm worried that if you keep projecting your feelings for our Gordon onto this guy, you're just gonna get hurt." There was a rustling sound. Alyx must have shifted in her spot. 

"Shit..." A pause, again. Gordon swore he could have heard a sniff. "You're-- you're right. I just... God, I miss him." 

Gordon felt his face flush, chest rising in shock. How had he missed all of that? He'd just assumed that Barney was a hands-on sort of person, but what Alyx said made perfect sense. The casual touches, the tight, comforting grip around his waist. Boy, being around Barney was going to be _really_ awkward now.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The overwhelming implications of the timeline shredding itself apart bit by bit hung over the party as they made their way towards the facility exit. By all accounts it made perfect sense. One hiccup opened the floodgates allowing all manner of inconsistencies to occur. Gordon grit his teeth. Even if he survived this, how could he possibly write a case study about it in a post-apocalyptic hellscape?

The moment he had that thought, he realized he was projecting his frustrations onto small things that didn't matter. It was far easier than facing the growing ball of insecurities collecting strands of information inside his gut. Keep pushing it back... 

At the gates to the outside, Gordon heard a familiar sound. Rather, a familiar lack of sound. His skin turned to ice. 

"Doctor Freeman..." 

Gordon reluctantly turned to face the G-Man, gaze hard and stern. 

"Come now. You needn't, glare at me like that. Unlike my counterpart, I have no intentions of, hah, stuffing you into my briefcase until you're needed again." The G-Man`s lips up-quirked in the facsimile of a smile. "I have come to... warn you, of what lies ahead." 

Gordon tilted his neck slightly, still staring down his nose at the entity before him. Still untrusting. _What._

A strange, breathy chuckle bubbled up from the G-Man's throat. "You oughtn't be so... disagreeable, with someone who... offers you aid." He inhaled sharply. "It is most, un-becoming." His fingers steepled together. "I'm here to, warn you. While yes, the ah, Lambda Lab is your, best chance at returning home..." A pause, for dramatic effect. "The facilities there on their own, will not be enough, to ferry your return." 

Gordon's heart dropped. For a few moments, he was frozen stiff. He reluctantly lifted his hands. _That can't be... that can't be possible._

"I'm afraid it's more than possible." The entity's odd smile never left his face. "It is substantiated, fact, Dr. Freeman. However... I do have an offer, for you." The smile widened a few molars. "A... proposition." 

Gordon's breath shook. He had a bad feeling that he knew where this was headed.

"I can... in fact, aid you. I want to help you. For the sake of this timeline, already fraying at the seams..." Gordon's brow twitched as G-Man continued to speak. "It is imperative, to put the Gordons... back, in their proper place. So, I will help the process along.. If." The G-Man held up a long, bony finger. "If you, in turn, continue to... offer your help, and services, to my counterpart on the other side." His brows upturned, and his smile turned almost pitying. "I am sorry, but business is, what it is."

Head lowered, Gordon grit his teeth. His only chance at getting back was to continue his essential servitude to the G-Man? His breath caught in his throat. He gripped his fist, arm shaking briefly, then the tension dropped. _Fine._

"A fine choice. The right choice, Doctor Freeman." Suddenly, he was gone, and the Science Team were all staring.

"Well, Gordon, let's get a move on!" Dr. Coomer piped up cheerfully. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon pushed himself out of bed. Rather, he tried to. It worked, but then all the blood rushed to his head, and his vision tunneled. His legs throbbed, then gave out, and he landed ass-first on the floor. Startled by the noise, Barney and Alyx rushed in. 

"Woah, Doc, take it easy...!" Barney was at his side in an instant, again, but this time, his grip was a lot less tight, less reassuring, as he carefully hoisted Gordon to his feet. 

"You lost a lot of blood, Gordon, you'll have to be careful with yourself for a while." Alyx added, picking up a bottle of water from a nearby table. "Here. You're gonna need fluids." 

Shakily, Gordon took the uncapped bottle, tipping it to pour half the contents down his throat, realizing at once how _parched_ he was. "Thanks... fuck, I needed that." 

Alyx smiled, brows upturned. "Good, I'm glad. Once you're feeling up for a walk, I've got something for you, but we'll have to go to my workbench for it." 

"I think I'll be good to go in a few minutes. I'm just..." Gordon shook his head, then regretted it. "Ugh. Kind of in a bad way. I'll be fine." He couldn't help but notice how quiet Barney was being. His heart stung with pity. 

"Don't rush it, Gordon. I'll meet you there, okay?" She waved playfully before stepping out of the room, leaving Barney and Gordon on their own. 

Gordon had no idea what to say.

  
"So. Uh... Anyway. I'm okay, you know. I'm just..." Gordon winced at his own stumbling. Some stellar conversationalist. 

"Oh. Yeah." Barney slowly let Gordon go. Sure, Gordon was a bit shaky, but he stood on his own. "Look, sorry about... Getting all in your business back there. It's just..." 

Gordon shook his head. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm kind of grateful, anyway. It was stabilizing, especially with everything being so out of whack right now."

Barney rubbed the back of his neck, keeping his gaze slightly averted. "Oh yeah...? Well, that's good. I'm glad." He gestured behind himself with his thumb. "I think Eli and Mossman needed some help setting up a generator, so I'll be making my way to them. You take it easy. Oh, and Alyx is probably waitin' for you. I think you'll like what she shows you." So saying, Barney followed Alyx's path out the door. 

Gordon stood beside his bed, blinking slowly. "Guess it's time to find Alyx..." He murmured to the empty room. "Wait, how do I get there?"

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The scientists waiting at the exit to the facility hadn't been lying about how dangerous the terrain was outside. The Science Team were immediately thrust into a fight for their lives against an array of soldiers and warriors both human and alien. Having multiple people along helped ease the journey, but Gordon was still tense, still struggling. 

He remembered hating what he had to do to get across the dam the first time, and he knew he was going to hate it this time, too, but he plunged into the water all the same, gut twisting. Had he developed thalassophobia? He glanced to the side, struggling to suppress a gasp as the alien shark in the water sped towards him. Yes, he had, but he had fine reason to. He pulled himself to the surface with the ladder, climbing to access the console inside the control tower. Benrey was already there, somehow. 

"Goin' kinda slow there, G2. What's the matter, your boots made of lead now?" He fiddled with his own security badge, then pulled out his passport, practically holding it in Gordon's face. Gordon regarded it silently, only a brow quirk revealing that he found the gesture unusual. "What, never seen one of them before? You got one?"

_I did, before, but it's definitely expired, and definitely useless to me where I'm from, now that the world has ended._ Gordon made certain to move his arms as sharply as possible to convey his unamused, contemptuous tone.

"No need to be like that, man." Benrey huffed through his nose. "Jeez, you try to start a conversation with a guy..." He stepped away from the door. Gordon shook his head before diving back into the water to reach the other side of the dam. He definitely didn't have the energy for Benrey.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Gordon, there you are!" Alyx glanced over at him with a casual grin. 

Somehow, Gordon had navigated his way through Black Mesa East to find Alyx. He leaned against the wall to catch his breath. Blood loss sure could leave a man winded. 

"Well, you're just in time." Alyx continued. "I've got something cool for you to see. But first..." She put her fingers in her mouth and whistled sharply. There was a moment of silence, then Gordon could make out loud, rapid thudding approaching them, quickly.

"Woah, uh, hey, what's--" Gordon's mouth slammed shut before finishing his statement. Standing before him was a... well, what? It looked like a creature, and moved like one, but it was made of industrial scrap, levers and wires, and what appeared to be bits and pieces of Combine tech. Alyx walked over to the hulking beast and pat its face (?) with a warm expression.

"This is D0g. He's my best friend around here. I mean, can you blame me? Who doesn't like dogs?" She laughed as the machine she called D0g pressed its body against her side affectionately. 

"Oh, a dog... hahaha..." Gordon smiled, once again feeling out of his element. "That's nice. Did you make him yourself? My friend has a dog that he made on his own, too." 

"Really?" Alyx scratched what might be considered D0g's jaw. "It's a fine thing, and he's very helpful. Thinking about how D0g was made gave me inspiration for my latest little project... C'mere." She trotted over to a slightly dilapidated workbench with a wink. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh, god, what is that _noise_?!" Bubby covered his ears and growled. 

It was _loud_. Painfully so. Gordon fought the urge to cover his own ears. He certainly didn't recognize the sound. Was it something that hadn't existed in his world? 

As they stepped out of the cove they'd taken cover in while scaling the cliff face, they came face to face with one of the strangest abominations Gordon had ever laid eyes on. 

"It's a..." Even Dr. Coomer seemed lost for words. Truly, how did one describe it? It looked like a helicopter, yes. But only if you were to put a helicopter on an axis and duplicate it ad infinitum in 360 degrees. It was gigantic, and cacophonic, and horrendous, and once they saw that they could not defeat it, the Science Team scrambled for cover as fast as their legs would allow them. (Dr. Coomer's Power Legs came quite in handy for this.) 

Now standing at thigh depth in heavily saturated blue fluid, Gordon felt like he was going to explode. He was overstimulated, he was overflowing with frustration and anxiety, and he was one push from losing every inch of composure he had so desperately clawed and dragged towards himself. Surely, no one would push him, right?

Then Benrey stepped to him.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ta-dah! It isn't the prettiest, but it's not bad either, and it has a lot of function to it." Alyx held up her latest work, a prosthetic forearm and hand fashioned from the scrap surrounding the work station. It wasn't sleek, like she said, but Gordon could see the wires inside the chassis designed to make the fingers move. The thumb, forefinger, and middle finger were fitted with an implement Gordon didn't recognize. The whole arm seemed to carry a subtle orange glow from within. 

"I used the same sort of Xen crystal that you can find in the zero point energy field manipulator." Alyx grinned. "Also known as the gravity gun." She gestured at some wiring trailing from behind the arm. "My hope is that if we can wire it to integrate with the HEV suit, it should function like your arm would, flexing the fingers and what have you. The grav manipulator is just a little bonus." She winked again. "I thought it might be nice since it'll be harder to use regular guns with this thing." 

Gordon grinned, incredulous. "That's amazing, Alyx." He carefully ran a finger over the metal prosthetic. "How do we get it fitted onto my arm?" 

"Have a seat right there." She pointed him to a chair near the workbench. "I'll get it hooked up right away." 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You okay, man? You're looking a little ragged there." Benrey smiled. Perhaps it was meant to be charming, but all Gordon could see was a crocodile opening its gaping maw. "You need a little nap? Little man? You wanna give up? Gonna just curl up and give up right here?" 

Gordon's shoulders tensed and hunched slightly. _I'm getting really tired of your attitude. Can you--_

Before he could continue, Benrey grabbed his arms and leaned in, pecking him on the cheek. Gordon froze up in shock momentarily. Something snapped. He shoved Benrey away from himself, forcing the security guard to stumble back, splashing the blue fluid upwards towards their faces.

_Enough!_ Gordon could barely keep his arms steady. He wasn't paying attention to anyone around him anymore, and was barely even looking at Benrey as he continued. _I'm tired of you yanking me around and pretending like your actions have no consequences!_ He pointed his finger at Benrey, roughly, nearly jabbing the security guard in the chest. _You have done so much to try and get on my bad side this whole time, you don't get to act like you didn't do anything wrong!_

At this point, Gordon didn't care if anyone was translating for him anymore. He could barely hear what was being said to him, if anything. _I'm so tired! I get here, and I'm lost, and confused, and scared, but I suck it up because I have a duty to perform. And that's all I've ever done!_ His breath started to come in sharp gasps. 

_I just perform, I just do what's needed of me, no matter where I'm thrown. Can you even fucking imagine!?_ His movements grew harder to read as his body started to tremble. _Twenty years... Twenty years, I was asleep, trapped! I get back home, and home is gone! Earth is ruined, and everyone I know is suddenly so much older, and so much more in danger than when I disappeared!_ His shoulders began to twitch and shake. _Now everyone is relying on me, and I'm not there. Everyone I knew is going to grow old before me. Everyone I knew is going to die before me, and I can't do anything about it!_ His vision began to blur, glasses fogging as tears started rolling down his cheeks. _And even the people I've met, they could be killed at any moment, and--_ He dropped his arms to his sides, defeated, and sunk to his knees. 

Gordon's face burned. His chest felt full to bursting, shame, guilt, and grief roiling and bubbling almost visibly inside him. He hid his face behind his hands, and wept. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alyx looked at Gordon with concern. "Woah, are you okay? I'm sorry. Did I hurt you just now?" She looked at his arm. "The vortigaunts patched it up, but I bet it's still tender, huh." 

Gordon blinked, then sniffed in surprise when he felt tears catch on his lashes. When did he start crying? He lifted his left arm to rub under his glasses. "No, it's fine. I don't know what happened... I guess I'm just tired." 

"Need me to wait a minute?" 

"Nah, I'm good. Let's get this thing going." 

With a smirk, Alyx carefully connected the last of the wiring, weaving it carefully into the existing functions of the HEV suit. She leaned back, nodding. "Go on, give your arm a go. Try to move it." 

Gordon paused, then attempted to lift the prosthetic's fingers. The HEV Suit, connected as it was to Gordon's body, picked up on the electrical impulses, sending the command through the wiring of the prosthetic, flexing each of the fingers in turn. A breathless chuckle escaped him. "Wow. ... Wow. Holy shit, Alyx. That's incredible." 

"We're just getting started. Here, catch." She tossed a can his way. Gordon caught it with ease. "Nice. Now, let's get training with the grav-gun function." 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon didn't think he could sink much lower than this. Waist deep in what he was fairly certain now was Cool Blue Powerade, sobbing his eyes out, surrounded by four other people he barely knew. He felt sick, like he could feel each of their gazes boring into his skull, hearing every single shuffle of movement. 

Firm hands gripped him by the shoulder, and he jolted, but whomever had grabbed him was holding him in place, steadily, but not roughly. Now that Gordon was hyper-aware of the sounds around him, he flinched as singing reached his ears. He had no frame of reference for the blue orbs of light suddenly approaching him, but their presence was somehow comforting. He finally, hesitantly dared to look up, blinking in confusion at Benrey, who was knelt before him. 

"Calm down." Benrey said, more of an explanation than a command. He paused for a moment. "Blue means calm down." Their gazes met for a brief time, then Benrey turned his head slightly. "I didn't know it was like that, man." 

Gordon blinked again. Was this... an apology? For his own sanity, he decided that must be what it was. He lowered his head again, the sobbing steadily quieting to a few sniffles and hiccups. 

He lifted his hands again now that they weren't trembling. _I do feel calmer. Thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that! Im glad GMan is getting more screentime and showing more of that cold nature. Writing Gordon2 having a breakdown in a pool of powerade is simultaneously one of the most emotional and funniest things I've written in here so far. There was so much i liked about writing this one. I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon comes closer to understanding the truth of Benrey's nature, and Gordon has another meeting with the G-Man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brings us closer still to the finale, and while it seems to mosey a bit, i assure you the slow bits are also necessary.

All things considered, Gordon was feeling a lot better. Of course, the issues that had led to his breakdown had yet to be solved, and the stress remained. And yes, the exposed joints of fabric on the HEV suit were now utterly inundated with Powerade. Nonetheless, allowing himself to cry, or rather being driven to have a breakdown, had helped him release some of the feelings he kept bottled up for so long inside his chest. 

Beyond that, he believed he was finally starting to understand the wild card of the deck vis-à-vis his interactions with Benrey. Simply put, he realized that he couldn't parse Benrey's behavior with average human terms. Benrey was far from average, and Gordon doubted he was human at all, given the evidence. Now recognizing Benrey as his own entity, a lot of the strange, almost nonsensical behaviors and antagonistic taunting seemed less like harassment, and more simply just how Benrey interacted with his environment. Knowing that it wasn't necessarily personal was making it easier to deal with. 

Thus, it was with a small but genuine smile that Gordon accepted Benrey's extended hand as the security guard helped him rise to his feet. _Thank you,_ he quickly signed. _Again._

"Yeah, don't worry about it, man. Gotta help a bro out when he can't get his ass outta some sports drink." Benrey flashed a shark-toothed grin. This time, Gordon wasn't even surprised. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon was starting to get the hang of his new arm. It had taken him a while to get used to the gravity manipulation function, but with practice and a few back-and-forth rounds of fetch with D0g, he'd managed a basic mastery of the concept. 

"Not bad, Gordon." Alyx grinned and leaned against the wall of the garage, arms folded casually. "It suits you, honestly. Here, heads up." She lobbed a bottle of water at him. He caught it mid-air in the gravity field produced by the arm, then uncapped it, downing half of it in one go. His body was still hard at work replenishing red blood cells, after all. 

"Thanks. No, seriously, Alyx, thank you." He looked at the arm again, admiring her handiwork. "I don't know how I would have survived this without your help. You and Barney both." Thinking about Barney again made his chest sink. "I'm really lucky to have showed up here, of all places."

Alyx tilted her head. "You lose an arm and still call yourself lucky? You've got some kind of optimism, Gordon." She rolled her shoulders, leaning her neck from side to side to stretch it. "Speaking of Barney, though, he was helping Dad and Mossman work on the teleporter, I think. Maybe we should check in, offer a hand-" She paused. "Oh, uh." Her cheeks flushed a bit. "I'm really sorry."

"No offense taken." Gordon smiled this time, finding that it came easier than usual to do so. "It's better than pretending that nothing happened." His grin became a short laugh. "Benrey probably would have said something like that... Like, 'oh, need a hand, bro?' or something like that." 

"What kind of name is Benrey?" Alyx's brow twitched with a blend of amusement and confusion. "Are you pulling my leg?"

Gordon blinked. "I- uh, no. It's actually this guy's name. According to him, he's not human, so..." He felt a little wobbly, again. Why was he getting so flustered? "He's an ass, but he's not... the worst. He's funny." 

There was a moment of silence as Alyx processed what Gordon was saying, and her eyes lit up somewhat mischeviously. "Ah, so it's like _that_." Without elaborating, she turned on her heel. "Come on, let's go find out what Dad's up to." 

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"That's odd." Dr. Coomer mused. "This used to be the cybernetics department, didn't it? Did they move?" 

It certainly didn't _look_ like a cybernetics department. If Gordon were to guess, he would have considered it a chemistry lab. A hodge-podge assortment of beakers and flasks were strewn haphazardly about the room, and in the middle, a man who seemed to be in his late thirties was staring with unwavering focus at some concoction or other that he was working on, painstakingly adding drop after drop of a substance Gordon couldn't identify. Chemistry wasn't Gordon's realm, after all. 

"If this goes right..." The man mumbled. "Then it should end up tasting like-- oh!" He looked up, as if only realizing he was in the presence of five other people. Five other people, covered in dirt and blood and god knows what else. He took a step back, looking uneasy. "Can I help you?" 

"Ah, hi there." Tommy offered a warm smile. "We're, we're headed to the Lambda Lab. I'm Dr. Tommy Coolatta. What's your name?" 

The man seemed to be calmed somewhat by Tommy's introduction, and he smiled, running a hand through grey-peppered hair. "Well, then. I'm Darnold. I'm in charge of the potions department." 

"Darnold?" Benrey's voice suggested barely-contained laughter. Gordon snapped his fingers once to get the guard's attention. 

_Look who's talking, Benrey_. As Gordon signed, Benrey snorted aloud. 

Darnold graciously pretended not to notice the jab at his own name, instead turning his attention back to Tommy and the others. "Since the military showed up, I've been pretty much stuck here. I do hope you were able to take care of those brutes on the way here." 

"Well, we did take out the boots that were patrolling nearby the elevator down here." Bubby frowned. "I'm sure there's many more up ahead, though." 

"Undoubtedly." Darnold sighed. 

As they spoke, Gordon turned Darnold's introduction over and over in his head. Wait, hadn't he said...

_I'm sorry. Potions?_

Darnold lifted his head to Gordon curiously, then glanced at Benrey, who translated before Bubby could open his mouth. "Yes, indeed. Potions. Why?" Darnold's expression revealed no sense that what he'd said might be odd.

Gordon lifted his hands once more, then lowered them. Honestly, after everything he'd experienced, maybe potions weren't that far-fetched. _What are you making?_

This time, Bubby translated, and Darnold lit up at the opportunity to talk about his work. "Well, I'm currently working on an energy potion that will reinvigorate even someone who hasn't slept in days." He carefully gestured to the flask. "Not only that, but the flavor is blue raspberry. Do you know how few drinks have that flavor? It's an untapped market!" 

A bit bewildered, Gordon nodded. _That's wonderful and all, but you might want to try to evacuate._

"Well, how could I?" Darnold gestured around them. "Other than try to go where you all came from. The way ahead is swarmed with soldiers!" 

_Then come with us!_ Gordon nodded emphatically. _We can always use the extra help._

"Oh, yes!" Dr. Coomer clapped his hands together. "Why, a sixth member of the team could give us just the edge we need!" 

Tommy turned from the box he had been shifting through. Gordon noticed that the nuclear specialist had found a hat somewhere and was now wearing it, but he chose not to comment for now. "Dr. Darnold, you should- you should come with us. It'll be safer." 

Darnold seemed enthused by the concept. "Oh, that sounds like an excellent plan! We can leave this place, and we can all go fly kites, and..." Gordon listened as Darnold continued on, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the chemist-- no, potion-maker's sudden change of energy. He supposed that sort of hopefulness would be useful, in the end.

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"Hello, Gordon." Eli's greeting made Gordon do a double-take, but he powered through it. "Glad you could join us. I hope you're feeling better." He gestured at himself, and Gordon noticed for the first time that Eli's legs were prosthetic. "It isn't so rough once you get used to it, and you're sharp, if you're anything like our own Gordon. You'll be a pro in no time." 

Such kind words and the vote of confidence from Eli had Gordon grinning like an idiot, briefly covering his face with one hand. Getting praised so earnestly was hard for him to handle. "Ahah... Thanks. Can I help out with anything?"

He looked around the room. Other than Eli, the woman who had been introduced to him as Mossman was there, as well as Barney, and one of the vortigaunts who had helped him when they first arrived at Black Mesa East. Alyx had explained the history of the Xen refugees to him, so he didn't feel the same anxiety that he had when he first encountered them. 

"Dr. Freeman... well, I suppose only sort of." Mossman rose to her full height, extending a hand. "After hearing so much about you, I wondered if we'd ever get to meet in person. Glad to see you're holding up." 

Gordon looked at his hand for a moment before carefully taking Mossman's, giving a cautiously firm shake. He didn't really know just how hard this hand could grip, after all. She seemed amused by his hesitation. Gordon cleared his throat. "Yeah. It's nice to meet you, too." He decided not to say anything about never hearing of her before now. He couldn't be certain, but an uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach, telling him there was tension between Judith and the Gordon that was supposed to be in his place. 

"If you want to help us, Dr. Freeman, we're working on installing the component you took from the Combine into our own teleporter." She tapped a nail against the hull of the machine. "Beyond that, Eli and I assume that this is going to require more power than we really have access to, so we also have to make sure our generators are running properly, then reroute most of them to the lab." 

Gordon nodded slowly. "Then, what can I do?" 

"There are several generators throughout Black Mesa East that we haven't gotten to yet. Can you check on those for us? If you find one isn't operating at full capacity, please try to fix it." She smiled briefly before turning back to the teleporter. "That will be a lot of help." 

"Yeah. I can do that." Gordon flexed his arm, then lowered it, feeling a bit silly for doing so. "I'll just, uh... Yeah. Where are the generators?" He winced, cringing at himself. 

"If I'd been thinking ahead, I would have made you a map." Judith sighed. "Barney, how about you go with Dr. Freeman, and show him where the generators are?" 

"If that's the case, couldn't I just do it myself?" Barney posited, rising to his own feet nonetheless. "C'mon, Gordon. Let's get this taken care of." He made for the door to the adjacent hallway, not waiting to see if Gordon was following behind. 

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"No, no, no. I really, I just can't do this with you all. I'm sorry." 

The Science Team had left the potions lab to get a grasp of the situation that lay ahead, and that brief foray had led to a firefight with blood spilt on both sides. Now back in the lab, Darnold stood at his work desk once more, shaking his head fervently. 

"I am sorry, truly, but I just can't. You are all of you far too violent and out of control." Darnold sighed. "I understand protecting your life, but... I know bloodlust when I see it. I'm not getting involved further." 

Gordon watched Darnold almost incredulously. _I understand that you're put off, but we are genuinely fighting to survive, here._ He lifted his hands, gesturing at the others. _It's literally either them, or us. We don't have a choice_. 

"Don't you think I know that, Doctor? That isn't the issue, here." Darnold adjusted his lab coat. "I can deal with necessary actions. I told you I know what bloodlust is when I see it, and I saw it in your group. I'm washing my hands of this whole affair." 

Looking among his companions, Gordon was given pause. It hadn't been _that_ obvious, right? Sure, the others had no qualms about killing whomever, whenever, but the only people they'd fought in the hall were soldiers trying to kill them anyway. What was Darnold picking up on that he was missing? His shoulders slumped. No point in trying to push the issue further. _If you want to try escaping from the way we came in, then that's fine. Be cautious._

"Yes. Best of luck to you all, as well." It was clear that despite his misgivings regarding the Science Team, Darnold didn't want there to be bad blood. He stepped to the middle of the room, where the elevator had planted them. "You be careful yourselves. We are all in grave danger." With that, Darnold clicked the heels of his shoes together. After a brief pause, he seemed to be propelled upwards. Gordon blinked a few times. 

"Rocket shoes..." Tommy marveled. "Cool."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The walk to the first generator was distressingly quiet, and they appraised it silently, finding nothing wrong. The walk to the second generator was equally quiet, and Gordon was starting to get frustrated. 

"Hey, man, look." 

Barney blinked, looking back at Gordon with surprise. "What's up, Doc?" 

"Listen, I get that it's awkward between us right now, but like... The silent treatment isn't any better than trying to talk and dodge the issue." Gordon paused, pinching his fingertips against the bridge of his nose. "I... I overheard you and Alyx talking, earlier, when I was still down for the count. I didn't know about you and this universe's Gordon, being..." he floundered for the right word.

Barney's face had gone somewhat steely, but the tips of his ears were flushed regardless. "You heard?" 

"I wasn't eavesdropping..!" It wasn't a total lie. He had started to overhear the conversation on accident. "But like..! Just because it's a bad idea for you to..." Gordon's ears burned. "Just because you shouldn't treat me like you'd treat your Gordon doesn't mean we can't still be friends." 

"What?" Barney blinked. "Shit, did my silence make you think I hated you, or something? No, Doc. I just... didn't.. ugh." Barney ran a hand through his own hair, looking tired and melancholy. "I didn't really know how to approach you after that, but you're right. Being quiet isn't gonna help." He smiled, but it held some of that same sorrow that hung in his posture. "Sorry, Doc. You're right." 

Relieved, Gordon tried to smile back reassuringly. "It's fine. Come on, I think there's something wrong with that generator." He paused. "In that it is actively pouring smoke." 

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"Gentlemen, I have excellent news! At this rate it should only be a few hours until we reach the Lambda Lab!" 

Coomer's cheerful tone was welcome, as was the information he brought along with it. While his guesses had been less than accurate before, Gordon was clinging on to any sliver of hope he could find. Getting to the Lambda Lab sooner rather than later was one such splinter. 

However, the warning words of the G-Man rang ominously in his head. The idea that the resources of the Lab alone wouldn't be enough, that he had to once again rely upon the G-Man for help, and in return would have to continue to play nice with the man that had kept him asleep for twenty years while his world and his friends fell apart... 

As if on cue, everything froze once again, even the dust in the air hanging in suspension. Gordon listened to the familiar footsteps click down the hallway, sonorous despite the fact that sound oughtn't be able to travel at all in stopped time. "Doctor Freeman..." That smug voice made Gordon bite the inside of his lip violently, barely containing his wild discontent. "Congratulations, on making it this far. Once more. I commend you... You've gotten very, verrry good at this." 

Gordon had to pause before turning to face the G-Man. His eyes carried a clear and vicious resentment. _What do you want._

The entity tutted, shaking his head. "Now, now, Freeman. You should know, better... than to be so rude, to a man who has promised to help you." He adjusted his tie, less out of necessity and more as a way to occupy his hand. "Remember, our bargain relies upon... your continued, co-operation." He inhaled, breathing out shakily. "I have been in... Contact, with my counterpart, you see, and he has told me--" 

"Hey bro. You play PS4?" 

Gordon blinked, head snapping in the direction of the voice. Benrey was standing beside G-Man, suddenly, looking bored and picking his nose. 

"I..." The G-Man looked at Benrey incredulously. "Pardon me. Just how exactly, did you..." 

"I wanna add more people on my friends list." Benrey's tone was almost petulant. "But like, no one else here has PS4 or anything." He complained. "I bet Gordon doesn't even know what a PS4 _is_." 

Benrey was right, Gordon didn't know, but after the initial shock of seeing someone else moving through G-Man's alien time-stop field, he couldn't help but take delight in just how bewildered and uncomfortable the man appeared. In spite of himself, he snorted at Benrey's onslaught. 

The security guard seemed only spurred on by Gordon's quiet snickering, and continued with a grin. "Also, can I like... Get your PS Plus? Do you have like, a prepaid card or something?" He tilted his head. "Who are you, anyway? You got ID? Passport?" 

  
"I don't-- well, not on me, no--" 

"Whuh? How am I supposed to know who you are if you don't have your passport?" He looked at Gordon and winked, a universal signal for _check this shit out_. "I guess I'm just gonna have to follow you then." 

"You _cannot--!"_ The G-Man's eyes widened as he looked at himself, shocked that he had lost his composure so easily. 

"Hah!" Gordon clapped his hands against his knees, doubling over somewhat. It was probably the first time he'd actually voiced anything past the occasional hiss of pain (ignoring his sobbing breakdown earlier) since arriving back at Black Mesa, but it was well worth it. He would keep the G-Man's startled, almost mortified expression in his memory forever. 

Now it was Benrey's turn to look smug. "Well, if I can't follow you, can you at least buy me a month of PS Plus?" 

There was a brief, furious gleam in the G-Man's eye. He adjusted his tie again and cleared his throat. "Well, Mister Freeman. I do, expect you to hold up, your end of our little... deal." His mouth curved into a thin line. "I don't think you would want... to betray either of us." Lips pursed with cryptic hints left unsaid, the G-Man retreated before Benrey could ire him further. 

As time resumed, Gordon looked at Benrey, smiling incredulously. _How did you do that? How were you able to move through space with him stopping time?_

"Huh?" Benrey hummed. "Oh, yeah. Don't worry about that, G2. I'm not human." 

_I kind of guessed as much_.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"God, this thing's screwed in tight. Pass me that wrench, would you, Gordon?" 

Gordon reached for the wrench sat to his left, handing it over without looking. The smoking generator had stopped working altogether just before they could reach it, plunging the area into darkness. Luckily, the HEV Suit was equipped with a flashlight, and Barney had one of his own, so there was enough light to work by, just barely. Gordon took a cloth and rubbed furiously at the inner workings of the generator, trying to clear out the dust and soot. 

"Damn thing's ancient by now... Enough dust that you could make a blanket outta it. No wonder it went on the fritz." Barney clicked his tongue as he pulled the wrench against a particularly stubborn screw. "Bet the dust is what killed it. Clean it out and reboot it, and it should run just fine." 

"And maybe replace the parts that got overheated when the dust, you know, caught on fire." Gordon quipped, earning a quick laugh from his companion. They worked for a few moments in silence.

  
"Say, by the way, you mentioned something back at Kleiner's lab that's been eating me ever since. You have a kid?" 

Gordon blinked, then nodded. "Yep. His name's Joshua. He's almost three." A soft, sad smile adorned his features. "He's a really good kid... Man, I miss him." 

Barney patted Gordon's shoulder sympathetically. "If you don't mind me askin'... What's the situation with Joshua's other parent?" He paused. "Or did you like, adopt, or...?" 

It was clear Barney was doing his best to be open-ended for Gordon's sake, and Gordon found it charming. "Uh, well, me and Joshua's mom split up, and we share custody... She usually has him on the weekdays, and I get weekends." He sighed. "How many days has it been by now? How many weekends? God, she's probably furious, and poor Josh..." 

There was silence again, for a moment. Barney didn't seem to know what to say. "Well, we're gonna get you back home." He finally offered. "And you'll get to see your son again." He attempted to turn the subject back to something more pleasant. "So, is there anyone... ya know." His gaze wandered a little. "You seeing anyone?"

"Huh? Ahaha, no..." Gordon flushed a bit. "I mean, right after the break-up, I was worried about getting back into anything too fast, and then I just kind of... continued like that." He shrugged. "Then between work, and taking care of Josh, and everything, I never really found the time to go actively look for dates..." He shook his head. If Barney wanted to know any specifics, he'd have to drag them out. 

It seemed that Barney was satisfied, as the man was now still and quiet. Way too still and quiet. A cold, creeping sensation rolled its way up Gordon's spine like icy fingers along his back. He looked behind himself to be greeted by the suited man he had seen just after they'd first gotten off the airboat. "You're..." Gordon swallowed. "I thought I'd made you up, that I was seeing things." 

The G-Man chuckled. "Oh, no, Doctor Freeman, I assure you, I'm... very, real." He flexed the fingers on his left, then his right hand, slowly and deliberately. "Might I say, yours is quite... The touching, story. Putting your child, before your own... desires. What an inspiring tale." 

Gordon's gut pulsed and rolled in a manner that begged him not to trust this man. "What are you getting at?" 

"You must... miss him. Josh-u-a. Isn't that right?" G-Man's unnerving cadence caused Gordon to shiver again. "And the others... you've left behind, too. Coomer, Bubby... Tommy, Benrey." 

Tilting his neck, Gordon affixed G-Man with a suspicious gaze. "How do you know their names?" 

The G-Man simply chuckled. "Oh, please, you mustn't be naïve. You surely know by now that... some constants of the universe, remain constant between universes?" 

Gordon sat up a little straighter. "Wait, they aren't here, are they?" 

Another chuckle, this time, almost condescendingly. "No, no. But, I am. And I am there, too. And unlike you, I can... communicate with the self, that exists there. He and I, have been talking for, quite some time now. Since you and the other you... shattered the glass that separated our universes. I suppose, I've you to thank, for that." 

The roundabout manner of speaking was starting to give Gordon a migraine. "What are you getting at? Be more straightforward." 

"Ah, but all good things reveal themselves, in time... With patience, Doctor Freeman." The G-Man's expression turned severe. "I need you, to listen to me. Your colleagues, have done a great deal, to attempt to return you home, but it won't be enough." 

Gordon's heart sank. Despite his best efforts, he felt tears prick the corners of his vision, for the third time in as many days. All that hope he'd built up, and for what? "You're fucking kidding." 

"I'm afraid not." The G-Man smiled calmly. "However, I can... help you. You think I cannot? You have already, witnessed, a small taste of my... abilities." He waved a hand towards Barney, who was still frozen in the same position he'd been in since the beginning. "And all of... the universe, in this moment, remains still, so long as I need to speak, with you." He steepled his fingers. "With my counterpart, in your universe, and myself, acting as a bridge... you will be able to, return." 

Gordon shakily rose to his feet. "Please." Even as he spoke, the rolling feeling in his gut turned to stabbing, an anxiety nigh on panic gripping his stomach. _Do not trust him_. "What do I have to do?" 

As Gordon spoke, the G-Man's eyes lit up, and his smile turned more eager, as if he were barely restraining his glee. "An excellent... choice of words, Doctor Freeman. I am sure you will find... cooperation is your best option." He chuckled. "My counterpart has... already asked the same of the other you... I ask you, then... To be ready, and willing, to assist, and abet my counterpart, in your universe, when the time comes." 

"All I have to do is help him out?" Gordon grit his teeth to ignore the icy grip of fear that was rising into his abdomen. "I can do that. Just... Please, get me home." 

"Good, good." The G-Man nodded. "I am... so very, glad, that you agree. You will see... that you have made the correct decision." 

In an instant, the G-Man was gone. Gordon blinked, then looked at Barney, who was tilting his head, looking a bit confused.

  
"Doc, when did you stand up?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is shorter somehow. Hopefully i'll have the next chapter out soon.   
> I had a lot of fun writing Darnold's part, as well as sort of building a rapport between Benrey and G2. Gman is also ridiculously fun to write. Hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon spends time with Benrey and learns more about Tommy, and Gordon has a brief respite before returning to the harsh reality of his situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter! I had extra energy this weekend and felt inspired enough to write another chapter. I wanted to write more about HLVRGordons relationships, this chapter is particularly self indulgent.
> 
> I felt a little bad about chapter 6 being so short, so im glad i got to supplement it.

One of the many things Gordon had been forced to get used to during his time back at Black Mesa was just how much soda the Science Team could put away. Even as they neared their goal, the sight of a lone vending machine would whip them up into a frenzy. And certainly, Gordon had enjoyed his fair share of soda, in his time. He knew how precious any small amount of caffeine could be, given the strenuous and sometimes tedious nature of their work. However, the fervor and thoroughness with which the Science Team could empty cans made Gordon think back on documentaries he'd seen in his youth, about piranhas swarming a carcass.

At one such junction, Gordon found a moment to step away from the Science Team and catch his breath, having at least the decency to acquiesce and take a soda of his own. He'd expected Benrey to follow, but was mildly surprised that the guard was practically right on his heels.

"Sprite? You a clear soda guy? Whassamatter, cola too harsh for you?" Benrey himself was gripping an energy drink can with such force that it made Gordon worry it was about to explode.

_Don't you know? It's see through, so it's healthier. Your body thinks it's water._ Gordon smirked, signalling his sarcastic tone. Benrey snorted.

Finally cracking open his energy drink, Benrey took a long, deliberate, slurping sip before speaking. "So, uh, that guy. G-Man." His brow quirked as he noticed Gordon's almost imperceptible tension. "What's his deal?"

_He..._ Gordon paused. How does one explain the G-Man? _He has been watching me ever since I worked at Black Mesa._

"Woah, man. That's creepy. Ever think about getting a restraining order?" Benrey smiled, showing too many teeth. "Is there such a thing as a restraining order for space wierdos?"

_God, I wish._ Somehow, Benrey's casual tone was helping Gordon stay calm, despite his clear distaste for the subject matter. _He saved my life, I guess. I didn't have a choice but to accept his offer. I would have died out in space otherwise._ Gordon's expression turned grim. _He's the reason I was asleep during the 7 Hours War. Why I'm constantly so lost, constantly horrified, seeing how much my world has changed._

If he hadn't known better, Gordon would have said Benrey's expression was almost sympathetic. He quickly fixed his face, returning to a casual, neutral grin. "Jeez, what a guy. No wonder you looked so pissed when he showed up." Benrey waved a hand dismissively. "You don't gotta worry about him, G2. I'll keep chasing him off."

Gordon blinked, surprised. Why would Benrey do that for him? He knew, in the end, that he would have to submit, and act in accordance to G-Man's wishes if he wanted to go home, but the idea that someone would, that someone _could_ stand up to the G-Man for his sake... Somewhere deep within his chest, the smallest spark of hope was born. Maybe he could get away for good, after all.

For now, though, he knew he would have to play along with the G-Man. He felt exhausted, but he smiled at Benrey nonetheless. _Thank you._

"Hey, no worries. By the way, uh..." Gordon blinked as Benrey's hand reached to his face, then snaked behind his head, fingertips brushing the short hairs that reached the top of his neck. "You think about growin' this out again? My Gordon has a little pony-tail, and it suits him. It'd suit you too."

_Like I said before, it was gone when I woke up. I did have one myself, in the past._ Gordon wondered why Benrey seemed so comfortable with casual contact that surely would have been considered intimate by anyone else's standards. He paused, thinking about what Benrey had said. How long had he been calling this universe's Gordon "mine" instead of "ours"?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey you two. Kinda gloomy in here, isn't it?"

Gordon and Barney both startled, having not heard Alyx approaching, nor seen her in the dark of the room. She clicked on a third flashlight, a standing lantern model, then sat down with the other two.

"Alyx? What's up?" Barney asked. "Everything going okay in the lab?"

She rolled her eyes in response. "Oh yeah, all's well on that front. I just got tired of Mossman's nagging. I'm a grown-ass woman, for crying out loud." She laughed. "Besides, it's been a while since it was the three of us."

"Well if you wanted to hang out, I'm not complaining." Gordon scooted over to give Alyx more space beside the generator they were still poring over. She got in closer, then whistled.

"Damn, this one's seen better days. So, what'd I miss?"

Barney took the opportunity to speak quickly, wanting to prevent Gordon from deflecting. "Well, I was trying to get Doc here to open up about his personal life, seeing as he knows so damn much about mine." There was no venom in his jab.

"O-ho-ho..." Alyx grinned widely, immediately catching on. She leaned closer to Gordon, nudging him with an elbow. "So does that mean you're gonna tell us more about Benrey?"

"Huh?!" Gordon's voice cracked in a completely undignified manner. "Th-that is, what is there to tell?"

"Benrey?" Barney's voice was a blend of sceptical and curious. "Well, with a reaction like that, now you _gotta_ tell us everything!"

"I said there's nothing to tell!" Gordon's face was getting redder by the minute. "He's always on my ass, asking me about my passport for some reason. I can't ever get him off my case!"

"But, but Gordon!" Alyx interjected, stifling a giggle. "I thought you said he was really funny! And you said he wasn't..." She puffed out her chest and lowered her jaw, trying to do her best impression of Gordon. "He's not the worst~."

"Yeah, he's fucking funny, he's hilarious and makes me laugh like, all the time, but so what?" Gordon's ears had now turned the same shade as his cheeks.

"I dunno, Doc. Your face is getting pretty rosy, there." Barney pointed a finger at Gordon's cheekbone, gently poking it. "Warm, too. I think you're holding back."

Gordon waved the hand away furiously. "I'm not holding back! He's a total jerk, so what if he makes me laugh? And so what if he has a charming smile, or that the way he looks at me sometimes makes my knees feel weak, it's just because I'm tired of his shit!" 

The laughter Alyx had been holding in since the beginning of Gordon's tirade pealed out loudly. Barney joined in, filling the room with cackling. Gordon hid his face behind his hands.

Alyx threw an arm around Gordon's shoulders, wiping her eyes. "Well, I think we have a pretty good idea of how things are, now. C'mon, let's fix this generator and get to the others."

"Yeah..." Gordon grumbled, still keeping his head ducked. "Goddamn it..."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The hike towards the Lambda Lab felt longer than Gordon remembered. Maybe he had forced himself to forget just how grueling the journey was, for his own sanity. Despite his brain's best efforts, though, it felt like his sanity had been slipping, lately. For instance, he could have sworn he heard a dog barking.

"That sounds familiar..." Tommy mused, sounding wary and on edge. "Come on, we gotta get there..!"

Gordon didn't understand Tommy's sudden urgency, but he was relieved that he wasn't the only one hearing that odd sound. After a brief struggle with the mechanisms, they managed to get the doors to slide open. Tommy cried out in terror.

"Sunkist!"

There was... A dog? By all definitions, yes, the creature looked like a dog, but it was _huge_. Furthermore, Gordon couldn't quite place it, but the dog itself had a strange quality to it, as if it were a photorealistic rendering of a canine brought to life. The more distressing thing was that the dog was absolutely surrounded by turrets. Standing at a distance from the dog was a soldier Gordon didn't recognize, but it seemed like the others did.

"It's you! The soldier from before!" Bubby growled. "F... Fo... Fffff..."

"Forzen." The soldier seemed to wear a permanent scowl. "And now, you'll listen to me." He jabbed his finger towards the dog, who Gordon knew now as Sunkist. "Or else."

"You- you let Sunkist go!" Tommy wailed. "You're... gonna regret it if you don't!"

Gordon's heart ached for Tommy. He looked to Bubby, then Benrey, for help. Benrey was standing stock-still, almost frozen. Well, time to rely on Bubby.

_What do you want?_ Gordon stepped further into Forzen's field of view, making sure Bubby could watch his hands. _And why did you have to kidnap some poor man's dog to get it?_

"I want you to do me a favor--" Forzen paused, then stepped closer to Gordon, eyeing him suspiciously. "You look... different than I remember."

Gordon tilted his chin up to meet Forzen's gaze. The man was a brick shithouse. A nasty scar ran from the base of his jaw up his cheek, splintering like tree roots across the left side of his face. _I'm not the Gordon you met before._

Forzen paused for a moment, then exhaled through his teeth. " _Ça ne fait rien._ Who you are isn't important, it's what you can do for me." He pointed towards Sunkist, again. "I want you to take care of a certain rumor for me. If you refuse, you know what will happen."

_You're really going to kill a dog over a rumor?_ Gordon seemed unimpressed, but he was genuinely concerned. Tommy was getting increasingly upset and agitated.

"I won't hurt the dog if you listen to me and do as I say." Forzen gripped his empty fist. "I need you to clear Chris Bores' name. He didn't copy anyone, he is a satirical account."

Gordon's jaw slacked a bit. Who the hell was Chris Bores? _What on earth are you talking about? Are you hearing yourself?_

Forzen's scowl deepened. "Well. If you are going to refuse to cooperate..."

Before Forzen could move, Tommy stormed towards him. "You have done _enough!_ " As Tommy screamed, the whole room fell still and quiet. Even the electrical hum of machines and fluorescent lights disappeared into the maw of nothingness.

It felt like an instant, as if he had only blinked, but when Gordon became aware of his surroundings again, several things had changed. No longer was Forzen in his face. The soldier was on the elevator platform on his ass, looking dazed. Sunkist was right by Tommy's side, and Tommy had his arms thrown around the giant dog, a whimper muffled by golden fur as he hid his face against Sunkist's head. All of the turrets lie knocked over uselessly on their side.

Gordon exchanged glances with the rest of the Science Team, who all seemed equally lost, save for Benrey. Benrey alone looked like he had perceived what happened, but his expression was one of shock.

When Tommy finally looked up again, Gordon's stomach dropped. Past tear-stained cheeks, the nuclear physicist's eyes were golden, and glowing.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon couldn't tell if things were moving slower or faster now that they had Alyx with them. Yes, it was helpful to have an extra pair of hands, but they were now spending a lot more time cutting up and chatting instead of just focusing on the work. Not that he was really going to complain about that. After everything he'd been through, he seriously wanted to just take it easy for a while, even if he couldn't afford to slack off.

At the same time, looking between Alyx and Barney left a heavy ache in his chest. Soon, he would be trying to get back home, and he would never see them again. Of course, they were never supposed to meet in the first place, but in such a short time span, he had grown so close to them. He willed himself to hold it together. They could have their tearful farewell when the goodbyes were actually happening. Right now, they were just enjoying each other's company.

He wondered briefly if the G-Man would be interested in delivering inter-dimensional postcards. The anxiety that had gripped him earlier started to stir again, reminding him that the answer was probably a resounding no. _Do not trust him_.

"...don. Gordon?" Gordon blinked, snapping out of his own thoughts. Barney was giving him an inquisitive stare. "You back to earth, space cadet? I was asking you about your other friends. I'm sure it's not just you and Benrey out there at Black Mesa." He paused and gave a teasing grin. "As much as I'm sure you'd like that."

"Fucking--!!" Gordon inhaled, then sighed, trying to keep his composure. "Yeah, there's more. We call ourselves the Science Team. Cliche, sure, but it works. There's Dr. Coomer, and Bubby, and Tommy." He paused. "Dr. Coomer is... eccentric, but he's really sweet. Bubby acts like a dick but he's got a goodness to him. Tommy is probably genuinely one of the nicest and most down-to-earth people I've met, and I respect him for it." Gordon decided to leave out the gritty details, like the fact that they had a bad habit of killing anyone they saw, hostile or not.

Alyx sighed quietly. "It sounds like you're in good hands, Gordon. I'm relieved to hear it." Her gaze turned wistful, for a moment. "That means our Gordon is in those same hands... Good to know he's being well taken care of."

Gordon didn't want to spoil Alyx's mood. "Yeah. I'm sure they've taken to him just fine." He wasn't positive that the other Gordon was having the best time, based on some of the feelings he'd had lately that didn't seem to be his own. However, he was fairly certain that the Science Team would be kind overall.

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Alyx turned back to the generator, flipping a switch. It hummed to life, and the lights in the room flickered back on. Gordon squinted against the sudden brightness, holding a hand over his brow.

"That's one down." Barney rose, face twisting as the joints in his knees popped uncomfortably. "Augh... And one more reason I'm getting too old to be sittin' on the floor like that. Let's go check on the rest of them."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy's gaze turned harsh as he approached Forzen, eyes still glowing bright. "How- how could you? You selfish, foolish man. You take an innocent- an innocent creature, my dog, and try to use her for your own gain?"

Gordon watched on in shock. It suddenly all made so much sense. Tommy's unusual cadence, his clear-headedness in the face of the dangers they were presented, the almost other-worldly air that hung about him, even as he spoke kindly and expressed earthly interests. They had even spoken the same words, or similar. Gordon couldn't be certain of the exact relation, but he knew now that Tommy and the G-Man were connected.

Benrey knew it too, and he and Gordon exchanged a wary gaze. Benrey's brow furrowed, and his lips pursed, as if there were something he wanted to say, but wasn't sure how to. His glance shifted to look at Forzen. "You're not supposed to be here."

Forzen's eyes darted towards Benrey briefly from where they had been fixed on Tommy. "I'm aware." His voice held a measure of resentment. Gordon wondered what the history of that was. His glare rested on Tommy once more, warily, as if he were a cornered animal. "This isn't worth my life." Before Tommy or the others could react, Forzen turned heel, sprinting off and disappearing seemingly out of nowhere into the labyrinth ahead.

"No, you don't--! Oh." Tommy clenched his fist, looking frustrated. "He ran off-- again." He sighed, going back to Sunkist and petting the small dip of her brow. "We gotta move on, I guess."

"Hey, Tommy?" Benrey spoke for both himself and Gordon. "What was all that?"

"What do you mean?"

Benrey gestured around them. "Time. You stopped it. And you knocked Forzen on his ass, and you got Sunkist free. How did you do?" Gordon tilted his head as Benrey spoke. Sometimes, his word choice could be unorthodox.

"I don't know, actually." Tommy flexed his fingers. "I just, I thought really hard about how upset I was, and that I wished I could just fix everything, and boom!" He waved his hands in the air for emphasis. "Everyone was frozen like, like fish in the supermarket meat section! So I knocked that soldier over, and got Sunkist to safety!"

Gordon blinked slowly. So Tommy wasn't aware of the source of his power? He felt a little less uneasy. It wasn't that Tommy and G-Man were working as a team, then. What could it mean, though?

Another question was starting to dig at him, too. Why had Benrey reacted so strangely to Forzen's presence? Never in all of his time had he seen Benrey act so subdued. He made a mental note to bring it up with the guard later, after they were able to settle from the excitement that had just happened.

"Okay, Sunkist, you gotta go home, for now, okay? I'll, I'll miss you, but be good. I love you!" He patted her head fondly, wiping his eyes before stepping back. Sunkist spun in place eagerly, then leapt up-- and didn't stop rising. Gordon watched with mouth agape as Sunkist flew further and further up, becoming a tiny speck in the distance before disappearing altogether.

"Close your mouth." Bubby pushed Gordon's jaw up with a finger, grumbling. "You're gonna attract flies."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One by one, Alyx, Gordon, and Barney checked on the other generators, but they all seemed to be running much better. Just to be safe, the team cleaned each one, though less thoroughly than the one that had been actively smoking.

"Well, that should do it." Barney dusted his hands off. "With any luck, we should be able to get the teleporter running smoothly."

Gordon nodded, but a part of him had lost his prior optimism. What the G-Man had said stuck with him. None of their efforts alone would be successful. He didn't want to show how much the thought hurt him, especially not to Barney and Alyx, who seemed to be staying positive for his sake just as much as he was for theirs. Instead, he followed them back to the lab, where Eli and Mossman were still waiting.

"Glad you could join us, Dr. Freeman." Judith strode to his side, urging him towards the teleporter. "We were a little short on hands."

Gordon smiled. "I know the feeling. Haha..." He had hoped his joke would land, but Mossman's mouth didn't so much as twitch. Gordon blushed, feeling foolish, and Mossman offered him a pitying quirk of the lips.

"If you would please, help me install the Combine component into our teleporter. Since you were the one working inside the teleporter itself, you probably know best where it's supposed to go." She handed him the small part, then stepped to the side. "I trust that you and the others saw to the generators?"

"The generators are all well taken care of." Alyx answered for Gordon, her tone sounding slightly terse. "You think you got this, Gordon?"

"Sure! This shouldn't be too hard." Gordon knelt in the body of the teleporter again. The bottom panel was already open, so installation would be a piece of cake, right? Absolutely. He stared into the chamber, holding the component in his right hand. Carefully, he lowered it into the gap. He just needed to connect it now, right? Yes. Connect it, slowly, carefully, don't think about what happened last time you had your arm in one of these things, don't remember the Combine's terrifying mask and awful, distorted voice. Whatever you do, don't think about the sound your arm made when the teleporter turned on--

"Hey, Gordon." Eli's voice, calm and fatherly, came from behind him, and he felt warm arms against his back, steadying him. "You're breathing kind of hard. Why don't you sit down for a minute?" He guided Gordon to his feet, keeping him from wobbling. "You're still in pretty bad shape. You shouldn't push yourself too hard."

Gordon blinked, looking at Eli with a bit of surprise. "Uh, yeah... I'm okay. Just... gimme a second." Why was everything out of Eli's mouth so validating? Gordon felt so understood, and he barely knew how to react to it. He marvelled at the power of the man before him.

Alyx offered to take Gordon's place in the teleporter, now tinkering with the internal mechanisms to try and make them accept the Combine component. She leaned back once she was reasonably satisfied with the way the part clicked into place, stepping down from the platform. "Should we give it a test run?"

Mossman nodded, stepping to the control console. "Initiating the power-on sequence now." The whole room watched with bated breath as the teleporter began humming with electricity. Slowly, the mag-lev mechanisms started rotating, then faster, and faster. The sound was loud, almost unbearable, and everyone remained totally quiet in contrast, seemingly in awe of the sheer power it was generating. From the center of the teleporter, a bright light formed, a speck at first, then began to grow. The air in the room started to crackle. Gordon's hair stood on end in a familiar way.

Just as it felt like they were on the precipice of some grand event, everything went dark. The teleporter groaned as it grinded to a sudden halt, and the electronics in the room quickly fell silent. Still, no one dared to speak. No one wanted to be the first to admit the failure that just occurred.

FInally, Gordon opened his mouth. "Well, it was just the first time. We can fix this. We'll make it right."

Alyx lit the lantern-style flashlight she'd carried over with her, bathing the room in a low glow. No one's expression seemed particularly hopeful. Gordon gnawed on his own lip.

"Doc's right." Barney lifted his head. "Since when did anything we make work on the first try? We'll try it again."

Gordon smiled dryly. He wanted to put the same amount of faith in his own words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it! I have a big soft spot for any Gordon getting flustered and embarrassed. Forzen's part was fun to write too, especially with the alternate result.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gordons enjoy their first meal in ages. They also make some disturbing discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had a good time writing this chapter. It does get kind of creepy scary though so heads up.

The Science Team pushed forward, drawing ever closer to their goal, the Lambda Lab. (It had been more than a few hours but Gordon didn't have the heart to discourage poor Dr. Coomer.) With questions starting to burn in his chest, Gordon found himself relieved when they encountered their next vending machine. 

"Look!" Tommy clasped his hands together. "There's a snack machine in this one! Finally, food!" 

Gordon perked up. To be quite honest, he was starving, and the liquid diet wasn't really cutting it. He stepped to the machine, quickly breaking the glass with his crowbar and grabbing a candy bar from inside. No, it wasn't proper food, but it would have to suffice. Besides, it had peanuts in it, so at least he'd be getting some protein. He stepped back to let the other members of the team have at it. 

Glancing to the side, he noticed Benrey staying behind the pack, as it were, and looking almost despondent. He'd never seen such an expression on the guard's face, and was worried accordingly. He waited for Benrey to grab food and drink for himself, then tailed behind the other man as he stepped away from the Science Team proper. 

Once again in shared isolation, Gordon sat cross-legged, setting his snack to the side to talk to Benrey. _What's going on?_ He hesitated. _It looked like you and that soldier had history. Who is he?_

"Forzen." Benrey corrected, then sat down himself. He cracked his soda open with his teeth, and drank without any real enthusiasm. "We... We were friends. Best friends. We were real close." 

Gordon's brows raised. _How close?_ He felt rude to pry, but he figured Benrey needed to get it out. 

"..." Benrey tore open a bag of chips. Nacho Cheese Doritos, it looked like. "Close enough." He exhaled. "He was the first person... The first human to really give a shit about me." 

Gordon took a drink of his own beverage (thank god, this machine had water in it. It felt like it would take gallons of the stuff to wash the cloying sugar out of his throat). His brows upturned. Sure, he'd been a bit of an outsider when he was young, but he got the sense that Benrey's isolation ran far deeper, was far more intrinsic to his nature. 

Benrey hesitated before continuing. "Since ya know, I'm not human, it felt nice that some human would be invested in my wellbeing." He sighed. "I cared him. Still do. ...even if he doesn't feel the same anymore."

For a moment, Gordon was at a loss for words. What did someone possibly say to that? What could he say? It felt like nothing could be said. Instead, he shifted, moving over until his side was pressed against Benrey's, and he rested a hand on Benrey's back. 

It was a small gesture, but that alone seemed to lift Benrey's spirits somewhat. Gordon's heart ached. Was Benrey that hard-pressed for some validation? It relieved him to see the smile slowly return to Benrey's face, though. 

"Thanks, G2... Hah. Sorry you saw me like that. How lame." He shook his head, taking another chip. "You should eat now." 

Gordon looked at the candy bar by his side, pausing before unwrapping it and taking a bite. Damn, how long had it been since he had chocolate? Or anything sweet that wasn't decades old and pitifully stale? His eyes lit up and he chewed eagerly. Benrey shot him a sideways glance, laughing. 

"Is it that good? Guess I'll grab one before we get outta here." Gordon hummed and nodded in encouragement. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eli's lab still swam in the heavy air of disappointment. Judith and Gordon had taken to looking over the teleporter to try and determine what had gone wrong, but neither they nor the others in the room were moving with particular purpose. So many uncontrolled variables, so many different things that could have caused the failure... Morale was at an all-time low. 

Eli took it upon himself to break the oppressive silence, this time. "Say, it's getting very late. How about we eat and turn in, then get back to work in the morning?" He held his arms out a bit. "I know we're in a bit of a hurry, but there's no point forcing ourselves when we're not running at our best. I bet you three haven't eaten since you left City 17, anyway." He gestured to Alyx, Barney, and Gordon in turn. 

As if on cue, Gordon felt his stomach rumble. It really had been a while since he'd eaten anything, and Black Mesa hadn't really been filled with sustenance, either. "That would actually... be really nice." 

Alyx rose to her feet from where she'd been tinkering with the lab's main generator. "I'd like that too, honestly. We've done enough for one day." She shifted from foot to foot, stretching her legs a bit. "I'd also like to get the taste of dust and soot out of my mouth." 

Charmed, Eli chuckled. "Well, then. Let's do that, shall we?" He stepped over to Gordon, taking the younger man by the shoulder to guide him, talking to him calmly along the way. "Food isn't the easiest to come by in a place like this, but we make do with what we have. There are some things we can grow, and we scavenge for what we can't." He gestured out the window. "Sure, most of the wildlife these days is from Xen, but beggars can't be choosers. Besides, sometimes we find food that's well-preserved enough to eat, even today, once you set it on fire for a bit." Another soft laugh. Gordon felt soothed just listening to his voice. 

"Well, Dr. Vance, I assure you, I'm not picky." Gordon smiled, tired but genuine. 

"Sure." Eli's eyes crinkled as he grinned. "And I'm sure whatever we scrounge up will be more nutritious than whatever it is you feed yourself at work, right?" 

Gordon blushed. Perhaps he'd relied too much on cup noodles and convenience store sandwiches, but he was always in such a hurry. It felt strange being "dadded" by a man from another universe. It made him want to apologize and promise to eat more vegetables. 

Realizing his guess hit the nail on the head, Eli threw his own head back and cackled. He gently shook Gordon by the shoulder, giving him a knowing look. 

Gordon's brows upturned. Man, he was really going to miss Eli. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, aren't you two just getting along swimmingly!" Dr. Coomer smiled warmly at Gordon and Benrey as they returned to the group. 

"G2 isn't so bad when you get to know him." Benrey smirked at Gordon, clearly understanding the irony of his statement. "Sure, he looks like a nerd, but he's kind of okay sometimes." 

Gordon rolled his eyes and shook his head, but grinned all the same. 

"Ugh, I can't tell which is worse, this or whatever the hell _our_ Gordon did whenever he interacted with Benrey." Bubby tapped his toes against the ground. "Can we please get going now?" 

Bubby was right on one point, they really did need to keep moving. Gordon's recollection of this place was an unpleasant one. If he remembered right, they would be doing a lot of travelling through portals in order to reach the Lambda Lab proper. He recalled how much of a headache it was the first time. How much worse would it be with four other people following along behind him?

To make matters worse, Bubby seemed to be getting increasingly irate. Where he had been crabby before, now he was absolutely on edge. Gordon got the sense that he was becoming apprehensive. What did Bubby know? He thought briefly back to the "ambush" that wasn't. No, surely Bubby wouldn't be foolish enough to fall for that a second time. So what was eating him?

Under his breath, Bubby muttered. "I remember... I know why I'm not supposed to be down here..." Gordon picked up on his mumbling and wasn't sure what to make of it. Bubby _had_ mentioned being lab-grown in Black Mesa. Did this area have some relationship to the circumstances of his birth? Bubby hissed something about prototypes before shutting up again, his expression remaining unpleasant. Gordon had a bad feeling about what lay ahead. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Black Mesa east had a small area that could have passed for a kitchen, stocked haphazardly with home-grown vegetables, scraps and forage, canned goods, and whatever else they could get their hands on. 

"When I can, I bring my rations out here..." Barney mused, running his hand over the countertop. "But it ain't enough. There's a lot of mouths to feed here." 

Barney's words gave Gordon pause. He cast a curious glance Barney's way. The man was dressed in much better armor than any of the others, save himself. In fact, the armor bore a striking resemblance to what he'd seen on the Combine, during his brief encounter with the alien intruders. "Who's giving you rations?" 

For a brief moment, Barney's expression was unreadable. Gordon picked up on discomfort, and pain. "Let's talk about that one later, Doc. Okay?" Gordon didn't argue, and promptly shut himself up. 

Eager to clear the air, Alyx dug a little too enthusiastically through the cabinets. "I guess a soup would be our best bet... Something that can go a long way and feed a lot of people." She grabbed some of the vegetables, throwing them to the side. "These, and maybe like, a can of beans, or something. You know. Protein." 

Gordon stepped over to her side. "Mind if I help out?"

She grinned at him skeptically. "Can you even cook?" 

He nodded, lifting his arms and taking down his hair to readjust his ponytail. "I mean, I'm no master chef, but I do have a son I have to feed, you know." 

"Meaning you don't cook for yourself, and he's the only reason you bother?" Alyx snickered, hopping out of range as Gordon waved his hand at her fussily.

"Look, any incentive is good." Gordon huffed, taking a knife from one decrepit drawer and setting to chopping the vegetables. They were small, and he had to be careful as to not waste any of the precious material, but it wasn't long before they had a decent little pile of sliced veggies.

Eli opened a can of beans to add to the pot, and some wild grasses and powdered seasonings, while meager, would have to serve well enough to flavor the pot.

While they waited for the water to boil, Gordon started to hum quietly to himself. It almost felt normal, just standing around and preparing a meal with other people, with friends. He closed his eyes, taking in the moment. Maybe, when he got back, he could invite the Science Team to his apartment for dinner. That'd be fun, right? The thought of the chaos that would surely follow brought a smile to his face.

"What's got ya daydreamin', Doc?" Barney leaned against the counter, folding his arms over his chest and looking amused.

"Mm? Oh, sorry." Gordon ducked his head a little. "I got distracted. I think I'm just homesick."

"Aren't we all..." Barney looked melancholy for a moment. "Sorry. That was too heavy." He tried to right his face. "Dinner's lookin' good, at least." He scratched his jaw, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I guess we'll only know once we eat."

Once the vegetables had gotten acceptably soft and the broth was decently simmered, the soup was ladelled out into mismatched bowls and served with similarly mismatched silverware. The taste was acceptable, fair at best, but to Gordon, it felt like the best meal he had ever eaten. It took all of his composure to not just use the bowl like a cup and tip the whole affair into his mouth in one go. He tempered himself, eating slowly and trying to savor the moment.

"In the morning, we can get back into the hull of the teleporter and try to build a more stable connection with that new component." Judith stirred her own soup with her spoon as she spoke. "Turning out the lights and any superfluous machinery during the activation may also prove helpful."

Eli nodded. "Every bit of power we can muster should go into running the teleporter, that much is certain." He chewed on a piece of radish before continuing. "But, that talk can wait until the morning. I think we have earned the right to talk about literally anything else."

That's just what they did, too. Anything they could think of, music, literature, art, people, they sat around and talked, and once again, things almost felt normal. Eli asked Gordon multiple questions about his version of Black Mesa, and Gordon was more than happy to answer. (Alyx, for her part, made sure to get in a few digs about a certain person Gordon had been showing interest in, earning a flustered denial each time.)

"I knew Black Mesa was waist deep in questionable behavior, but cloning? Goodness." Eli shook his head. "Well, perhaps it's for the best that place isn't standing anymore."

Time passed more quickly than Gordon had realized, and soon, they were cleaning up the remaining mess. "There's plenty enough space for you to sleep, Dr. Freeman." Judith offered a hospitable smile. "Choose any bed you like that isn't occupied."

"Thank you, Dr. Mossman. I'll do that." Gordon trailed off, watching as Barney left the area ahead of him. He had some questions to ask, first.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, Gordon had to learn the hard way why Bubby was acting more stand-offish than usual. More unfortunate was that, for this encounter, he was entirely alone.

He'd gotten the hang of using the portals to move through Black Mesa from his first time escaping, so he thought nothing of the different rooms and spaces he was transported to as he worked his way to the exit, but he knew something was off the moment he appeared in the darkened hall. He bristled, the hairs on the back of his neck standing.

He nearly screamed when he felt something grab his ankle. He looked down, already kicking at whatever it was on instinct, and shined his flashlight at it.

What he saw looked human, but wrong. Some of the limbs were distended, and the fingers were gnarled and twisting. It's face was gaunt, and it snarled as it glared up at him, baring its teeth. And yet, something about it was horribly familiar...

Before Gordon could even so much as shudder, another _thing_ leapt at him from behind, clinging to his shoulders and trying to drag him to the ground. With a sharp gasp, Gordon spun round, bashing it in the head with his crowbar. To his horror, the hall was _filled_ with them. Bubby's earlier grumbling about prototypes echoed in his head. This is what he was talking about, wasn't it?

Now panicking a little, Gordon drew his pistol, desperate to keep some distance between himself and the groaning, writhing proto-Bubbies clawing their way towards him. Even as he shot them down, more kept coming. It felt endless. They twisted and crawled forward, desperate, covering the floor and trying to block his exit.

Gordon just kept shooting, kept trying to mow them down. The moment he saw an opening, he made a mad dash for it, stumbling over limbs and claws as he scrambled for the exit portal. He winced as he was swiped at, the HEV Suit pleasantly reminding him that he was now suffering from lacerations, and dove towards the portal, barreling through it and landing hard on the other side.

"Come on now, get a hold of yourself." Firm hands gripped Gordon's shoulders and attempted to lift him to his feet. Upon seeing Bubby standing before him, he gasped, shielding himself before realizing that this was the real one. Bubby frowned deeply. "You... saw them."

Gordon took a shaky breath, then nodded. Bubby adjusted his glasses, then sighed. "Just... Forget those exist. Okay? I'm the real one. That's all that matters."

For a moment, Gordon was certain he saw a weariness on Bubby's face, but it was quickly replaced by the man's usual frustrated grimace. He planted his own hands on Bubby's shoulders, nodding again, firmly this time. Providing affirmation. He pulled his hands back. _You're the only Bubby I care to know._

He could have sworn he saw Bubby smirk before the older scientist turned around.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, Barney? Can I ask you a question?"

"Well, Doc, you already did, but sure, shoot."

Gordon blinked, then shook his head. "Ha ha." He stepped over to where Barney was sitting, taking up the space beside him and sinking to the ground himself, arms wrapped around his knees.

Barney, it seemed, had chosen to step outside to get some fresh air, and Gordon was sort of glad that he had. The night sky was beautiful from where they sat, barely any light pollution to disguise the countless stars and planets that shined and shimmered above.

"Doc? You gonna ask that question, or you just gonna sit there with your mouth open?" Barney didn't sound impatient, just curious and a little amused.

"Oh? Right. Uhm." Gordon turned his attention back to his companion. "I asked you about that thing you said about the rations, earlier, but your armor, too, is confusing me. It looks like what the Combine were wearing."

"That's because it is, Gordon." Barney's face grew serious, losing much of its usual warmth. "I took on a job in Civil Protection to infiltrate the system... So I have to dress and look the part. I have the mask and everything." He frowned. "I'm pretty sure my position is the only thing that's kept me alive this long... I get some food out of it, plus decent gear. But, the cost..."

"Cost...?" Gordon felt his stomach flip. He didn't like the sound of this.

"Yeah, Gordon, just... I mean, I've used my power to protect people plenty of times. Let people escape when they're caught by the Metro Police, pretend to rough them up only to let 'em out the back door unscathed... But, Christ." Barney swallowed hard. "The amount of times I've had to turn a blind eye... How much I've had to swallow my fury at seeing the horrible shit the Combine do to people... It makes me sick with myself." He stared too long at his own hands. "Even if I didn't spill the blood, it's on my hands, Gordon."

Gordon's brows upturned. "Hey..." He rested a hand on Barney's shoulder. "Don't be so hard on yourself." He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "You're trying to survive, too. It's not like you have a choice. Besides, like you said, the work you're doing means a whole lot of people get to escape with their lives. Do you know how many would be able to do that if you weren't there? I think the number would be a lot closer to zero."

Barney was silent for a moment, taking in all that Gordon had said. Finally, a small smile returned to his face. "I mean, I've heard all that before, but... since you come from the outside, and you're saying the same, maybe I can believe it." He laughed. It sounded weary. "Maybe."

"You should believe it, I'm being honest." Gordon squeezed Barney's shoulder warmly. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. I'm gonna try to find a place to bed down. You ought to do the same."

Barney nodded, slowly rising to his feet, groaning again as his legs betrayed him once more. "Man, I was serious about not sitting on the ground anymore. I really gotta learn to listen to myself."

"You're not _that_ old. Stop talking like you're Dr. Kleiner." As he rose to his own feet, Gordon chanced a last glance skyward. The same planets and stars glittered further than any man could see. A part of him felt strangely pulled towards it. He stepped one, two paces out into the open, before an obnoxious yawn from Barney pulled him back to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That wasn't so bad! We are drawing closer to the penultimate event, and I'm both excited and a bit sad.
> 
> Side note i was watching Mira play RDR2 while writing part of this which explains some of the sense of nostalgia for a time that one can never truly return to.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gordons prepare for the journey home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the most... feelings in it. It made me feel satisfied to write it. There is a point where the dialogue might be confusing but I hope I was able to mitigate the confusion as much as possible.

"Well, gentlemen, I do believe we've finally made it to the Lambda Lab!" Coomer crowed cheerfully. 

It hadn't been too difficult of a trek, and they'd moved much faster once Gordon had finally gotten over the shakes that had hounded him since encountering the prototype Bubbies. Now, they stood at the doors to the Lambda facility, and Gordon was feeling somewhat apprehensive.

How much further would he have to go? He wondered if the G-Man of this universe would force him to take out the Nihilanth again before letting him go home. That seemed in-character for the businessman. He rolled his shoulders, suddenly feeling tense. 

This time, he anticipated the G-Man's arrival, and turned to face the man as he approached. _What do you need?_

The G-man hummed calmly, adjusting the sleeves of his suit. "Well, I'm glad to see you're feeling, more... helpful, now. I think you will find... Cooperation, is your best bet."

In response, Gordon simply bit the inside of his cheek. He was going to play along with the entity, for his own agenda, but that didn't mean he had to smile about it. 

In contrast, the G-Man's smile seemed to only widen. "Your goal, lies, just ahead, and I know you must be... eager." His fingertips tapped lightly against his briefcase, drumming rhythmically against the metallic surface. "And my stipulation, remains unchanged. I will help you, but you must, in return, help me." He cleared his throat. "Your part, comes later." 

As they spoke, Gordon keyed in on another set of footsteps approaching, but held up his hand, glancing to the side. As he suspected, Benrey had been heading over, and the guard seemed confused by Gordon's gesturing. 

"G2, this guy bothering you again?" His voice lilted upwards at the end, implying a lack of comprehension. 

_Sorry, Benrey. We...._ He corrected himself silently. _I need the G-Man's help, as much as I hate it._

From his position, the G-Man cooed in a mock expression of hurt. "You wound me, Doctor Freeman." 

_I've agreed to your terms, haven't I? Get me home._

G-Man sighed. "Well, I suppose you're in too much, of a hurry... For a pleasant discussion. Very well. You'll, need to head through those doors, for... The teleporter, where you left Black Mesa... The first time." 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laying on a threadbare mattress, tucked under moth-eaten sheets, Gordon tossed and turned in his sleep in a hiddden-away corner of Black Mesa East. Something, or someone, was disturbing his rest, filling his dreams with visions of the cold depths of space, of blinding lights and deafening sounds, of chaos born from the maw of Creation itself. 

Amidst the overwhelming onslaught of imagery stood that familiar, gaunt man with sallow skin, composed as ever, the picture of order in his suit and tie, briefcase settled to one side. 

"The time, has come, Doctor Freeman." G-Man spoke quietly, as if acknowledging Gordon's sleeping state. He feigned a pitying gaze. "I know, you are tired. You've barely slept three hours, and yet... The window of opportunity is, small, and rapidly closing." 

Before Gordon realized it, he was herded out of bed by icy hands. He couldn't pause to wonder at how the chill of G-Man's skin managed to permeate the thick armor of the HEV suit as the entity took him by the wrist, another hand resting on his shoulder, not gripping but guiding, controlling. As they moved, he gazed forward as if still in a dream. 

The G-Man seemed to be keeping him in such a trance-like state, leading him to the lab and the teleporter within. "The component... which you sacrificed so much, to obtain. Place it there." The G-Man pointed to his indicated spot, and Gordon obeyed like an automaton, acting without realizing his own movements. 

"Excellently done, Doctor Freeman. Your friends... will surely have been alerted, to your wakeful state, and will converge soon." He gave a slight nod to Gordon, as if to instill confidence. "I will... see to it, that the teleporter takes you... to the correct place." 

G-Man was gone in an instant, and Gordon staggered back, gasping and looking at his own hands. What had just happened to him? He'd always heard and read that possession was a violent thing, a desperate struggle between the host and the parasite, as it were. There had been no struggle, in that moment, though. In Gordon's place had been a puppet, or a doll that looked like him, he hadn't even thought to resist. He felt like he was turning to ice on the inside. The G-Man's true power was starting to terrify him. 

As G-Man had guessed, Barney came barreling into the room not too long after the entity departed. "Doc, what's going on? I heard a commotion, and you look like you've seen a ghost." Eli, Alyx, and Judith followed not far behind, likely awoken by Barney as he rushed through the hall. 

Gordon looked to each of them in turn and prayed that they would believe him. "It's time. We have to do it now, or we might not get the chance again." 

Eli paused, then put a hand on Gordon's shoulder. "Alright." He blinked. "Are you cold? That HEV suit is freezing."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite the urging of the scientists taking shelter in the Lambda Lab, Gordon chose to forgo installing the Long Jump Module into his current HEV suit. He figured that the other Gordon would need it more, knowing what lay up ahead. 

Instead, the Science Team huddled up once more, standing just before the teleporter that had transported Gordon to Xen the last time he used it. 

"Well, Gordon..." Dr. Coomer's voice was tinged with something like remorse. "I suppose this is goodbye, isn't it?" 

_Yes._ Gordon hadn't expected to feel so melancholy about it. _I'm going to miss you all._

"Ugh, enough of this sappy bullshit, okay?" Bubby grumbled, but his grip on his own lab coat was too tight. He was upset, even if he would never admit it. 

"We're gonna miss you too, Mister Freeman." Tommy smiled warmly. Gordon looked to the nuclear physicist with appreciation. "But, I'm glad you get to, to go home." 

"Uhm." Benrey cleared his throat. Clearly goodbyes weren't his strong suit. "You need this." He held out a candy bar. Gordon recognized it as being the one Benrey had picked up on his suggestion. "You know. I bet you don't have a lot of, like, candy in the post-apocalypse, so." 

Gordon smiled warmly, taking the chocolate. _Thanks, Benrey. I'll save it for when I'm feeling homesick for this universe._ Benrey snorted in response, so Gordon counted it as a net gain. 

Finally, he turned to face the teleporter, sparking and crackling and pitifully out of reach without the Long Jump Module. 

In the back of his mind, he heard the G-Man's voice, instructing him to jump, regardless. He took a deep, steadying breath. 

Then, he leapt. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It hasn't been all that long, Doc, but all things considered...? Gonna miss you." 

"Hahah, I'll miss you guys too." 

Gordon always hated partings. Even as a kid, he'd cried his eyes out any time he had to say goodbye to anyone, be it a friend moving away or leaving a family member's house after a long visit. And even now, having not known Barney, Alyx, and the others for more than a matter of days, he felt himself fill with sorrow. 

Maybe it was because he'd never get to see them again, and maybe it was because they were so _damn_ nice. Barney was gripping his shoulders and Alyx's arms were wrapped around his neck. He'd not met many people who could make him feel so welcome. 

"You take care of yourself." Alyx took a step back to compose herself. "And take care of that arm. It's one of a kind, after all." 

Gordon grinned. "You kidding me? I'm gonna treat this thing better than I treat myself. It means the world to me." 

Barney smacked him on the back a little too hard, and Gordon's next breath came out as an audible _oof_. "Well, Gordon. Be careful out there." He stepped back, as well, smiling, but there was an edge to it. Gordon could tell this was hard for him. 

Eli stood a bit to the side, but gave a smile warm enough that Gordon felt like he was being bearhugged. "Let's get you home." 

Gordon stood on the teleporter, watching as Judith activated it once more, watching the maglev arms rotate faster and faster. 

He felt the familiar sensation of his hair standing up, and the prickling feeling of electricity in the air. 

There was a bright flash.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Gordon knew plenty about space. Astronomy wasn't his focus at all, but there were several things he understood about it.

For instance, he knew that space was supposed to be very, very cold. The ambient temperature of space was the closest possible temperature to absolute zero. With that being the case, he marvelled at how he was standing in the midst of the universe itself, not already frozen to death, but actually rather comfortable. 

He looked around himself. In the distance, galaxies expanded, contracted, breathed. Black holes devoured all matter within their grasp, and the endless expanse stretched out far beyond human comprehension. 

The Gordons looked forward, and both blinked, surprised to see each other. Then, they both waved.

The Gordon heading to Black Mesa spoke. "Oh. Hey. Wow, this is weird." He scratched the back of his neck. "Uhm... I'm Gordon. Nice to meet you." 

The other Gordon smiled warmly. _I've heard a lot about you. I'm Gordon. Or, if you prefer, Benrey calls me G2._

Gordon paused, then his eyes widened. "He does? I'm so sorry."

_It's not a problem. It was kind of endearing. Besides, I bet calling me Gordon would feel weird to you._ G2 smiled. _By the way, I'm surprised you understand me._

Gordon grew a bit flustered. "Well... I started looking into simple signing because of Joshua. I heard it was useful to use signs when raising kids. Then, I fell down a rabbit hole, and found myself studying it more seriously. I'm not great at it to be honest." He paused. "But even the signs I don't recognize seem to make sense, like I can tell what you're going to say."

_You're doing fine._ G2 exhaled, feeling calm. In some strange way, the other him had a soothing presence. G2 supposed it was a sense of being totally understood. _They're looking forward to seeing you again._

"Man, me too. It's crazy how much I miss them." Gordon smiled, but there was some sorrow in it. "Your friends miss you too."

Now, G2 looked sorrowful, almost mournful. He thought of Barney in particular, who wondered for twenty years if he was dead or alive, then found him only for them to be torn apart again. _I miss them badly._

Gordon smiled a little more bravely, trying to be encouraging. "Well, now we both get to see our friends again. Besides, I'm glad I got to meet your buddies." He paused. "I hope that they were kind to you. My uh... my friends."

_Don't worry. They were fine. Besides, I'm no pushover_. G2 took a step closer to Gordon.

Gordon laughed. "Hey, me either. Just, your friends are a lot more outwardly supportive." He sighed. "But I am really grateful to go home."

G2 paused. Gordon had no idea what lay ahead, how much danger he was in. He tried to lift his hands to warn him, about the nihilanth, about the G-Man, but to his dismay, his arms remained firmly at his sides. It seemed Someone was keeping him from spoiling anything. 

Instead, he lifted a hand again, taking Gordon's real one in his own and giving it a firm shake before squeezing it. _Be careful. Trust in your friends._ He thought for a moment. _Trust Benrey. He can help you more than you realize._ It was subtle enough that the G-Man hadn't picked up on it, which made G2 feel a little better.

Gordon squeezed the hand holding his. "Okay. I believe you. I'll... do my best." He gave G2 a knowing look. "You too, though. Don't be afraid to rely on your friends. They can help you. They're there for you."

G2 smiled warmly. _I'll keep that in mind._ After a moment's reluctance, he let go of Gordon's hand. From the point where their hands had met, a bright green spark flashed, then expanded, the light engulfing them both.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah! Hello Gordon! There you are!"

Gordon hesitated, then opened his eyes, which he'd squinted shut to protect himself from the bright flash. He was on the ground, apparently, and Benrey was knelt beside him. Dr. Coomer, Bubby, and Tommy were nearby, though Bubby seemed to be purposefully maintaining a slight distance. Gordon's heart leapt up in his chest.

"Guys..!" He sat up, throwing his arms around Benrey's neck. The guard froze in place. Gordon's fingers gripped against the back of his vest. "I missed you... I missed all of you so much."

"You... did?" Benrey continued to stay stock-still for a brief time. Finally, he rested his hands on Gordon's sides. He seemed to be in disbelief.

"Yeah..." Gordon's voice came out weak, barely holding back a wellspring of emotion. Regardless of his efforts, his chest shuddered.

"Mister Freeman!" Of course it was Tommy's arms that found their way around Gordon's shoulders. "We missed you too! Oh, like a, like a baby penguin misses its mom when she goes fishing!"

Gordon laughed aloud, throwing his head back. He'd _seriously_ missed Tommy's wild similes. "I missed you so much, Tommy!" He looked to Coomer and Bubby. "And you guys, too. Yes, you too, Bubby."

Bubby harrumphed, but stepped closer regardless, kneeling beside the group to get a look at Gordon. "You look like shit." He frowned deeply, running a finger over Gordon's right arm. "What the hell happened to you?" Coomer sat beside Bubby, nodding in agreement.

"Uh, this? Don't worry, I'll tell you about that later." Gordon smiled reassuringly. His cheeks were starting to hurt from grinning, with how overwhelmed with joy and relief he was. 

"Well, as long as you're here, now, that's all that matters." Coomer gently patted Gordon on the head, giving a fond little hum. "And look! We're in the Lambda Lab!"

For the second time, Gordon cackled uninhibited. God, it was good to be back.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Look, there he is!" Alyx's voice was the first thing Gordon heard once his ears stopped ringing, and the first pair of hands he felt pulling him from the teleporter platform. She hugged him tight, and he wrapped an arm around her, patting her back gently.

"Well, then, there's our Gordon." Eli stepped over, getting a closer look. "Yep. You really don't look different at all from when I saw you twenty years ago." He rubbed Gordon's shoulder fondly. "Good to have you back."

Judith smiled encouragingly from where she stood. "It's nice to finally meet you... properly, that is. And in one piece."

Gordon lifted his arms to address everyone. _I'm happy to be back. Are you all okay?_ He looked down to Alyx, who nodded.

"Yeah, we're alright. A lot better now that we have you back." She stepped back with a knowing sparkle in her eye. "We really missed you."

Gordon glanced around the room, finally meeting eyes with Barney, who seemed to have been holding back. Gordon tilted his head. For a moment, he looked deeply pained, and Gordon felt his heart ache. Barney strode over briskly, wrapping his arms around Gordon's waist. In an instant, his lips were pressed to Gordon's.

They stayed like that for a few moments before Barney pulled back, and Gordon felt like that few moments wasn't enough. An eternity wouldn't have been enough.

Barney smiled, eyes reddened and lined with tears. He swallowed hard. "I've been waiting a long time to get to do that again." His breath shook as he exhaled. "Welcome home, Gordon." 

Gordon looked around himself once more. Yes, he decided, despite everything, he was finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's that. The gordons are back in their proper place, no longer swapped. I'm a little sad. I did totally tear up writing this chapter. But don't fret! Im planning an epilogue chapter! For now, though, thank you to everyone for your continued support. It's been a long, great journey!
> 
> I may go back and edit, add some chapter names, etc.


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gordons move forward in their own timelines, for better or for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was my way of finding closure with all of the little details I had set up.

Together once more, the Science Team convened for yet another emergency meeting.

"It appears that our only way out of here is to utilize this giant teleporter." Dr. Coomer gestured upward. "Which is strange, seeing as that is what took the other Gordon back to his own universe, presumably."

"No, it wasn't the teleporter alone." Gordon fidgeted. Would they believe him if he told them about the G-Man? "We both had... help. From the outside."

"Well, that's just ridiculous." Bubby folded his arms. "What could possibly be powerful enough to do that? Or who?"

Tommy stepped forward slightly. "It's okay. I believe you, Mister Freeman." Gordon looked to Tommy, feeling so relieved that it made him want to cry. "I mean. there are more powers at, at play here, than meets the eye."

"Hah, like some Transformers shit..." Benrey mumbled, close enough to make Gordon start. Benrey in particular had been keeping close ever since he returned, as if he believed Gordon might just disappear again. Gordon registered what Benrey said, snickering before speaking again.

"If you think we have to go through that portal, then I'll believe you, Dr. Coomer. What do we need to do?" 

Dr. Coomer took the Long Jump Module from the refugee scientists who had earlier offered it to the other Gordon. He paused, then shot the one who looked like him, returning to Gordon with a smile and bloodstains on his coat. "Here, install this into your HEV Suit, and you should be able to access that portal!"

Gordon sighed internally. Seemed like some things would never change. He installed the module without much difficulty. At least HEV training had paid off in some regards. "Okay, let's go." He looked to the Science Team, hoping that his anxiety wasn't showing in his features.

It was, apparently, because Dr. Coomer clapped him on the shoulder. "Now Gordon, fret not. I'm fairly certain this will work!"

The words were perhaps not the most encouraging, but Gordon was happy to work with anything he got. He prepped himself, then sprinted forward, leaning into the momentum as he leapt from platform to platform. He only hesitated a moment before taking the final plunge into the teleporter's waiting maw.

He didn't know where the teleporter would take them, but he wasn't too surprised to see himself back in outer space. He found himself once again staring out into the vast expanse of the universe, spellbound for a moment as the stars raged in fire, their infernal heat appearing from this distance as so many glittering diamonds.

He checked behind him, meeting the gazes of Tommy, Coomer, and Bubby. His heart sank. Where was Benrey? Before he could ask, he saw his friends freeze in place, and his blood ran cold.

"Ah, there.... is _our_ Doctor Freeman. Isn't it?" The G-Man tilted his head, seemingly amused. "How good of you to make it this far. I commend you, for your... tenacity." He paused to appraise his universe's Gordon. "Now, as I am certain you were told, the help I offered, came at a price. You must, now, work for me."

Gordon's muscles tensed. "What is it that you want?"

"I am, sure, you are aware of... your _friend_ , and his... inhuman status."

"Benrey?" Gordon recalled Benrey saying he wasn't human in the past. Coupled with all the times he'd died only to come back as if nothing had happened, and the inexplicable powers like the Sweet Voice, Gordon could believe it.

"Ah, yes, I suppose that is, what he calls himself." The G-Man adjusted his tie, looking as if he were trying to be more urgent. "See, my employers have... deemed him unsafe, a loose screw in an, otherwise efficient machine, if you will. He cannot... be allowed to continue on, acting as he wills. So, that is where, you come in." The G-Man smiled. "You will defeat him, here, and I will take you, back to earth."

Gordon froze in place, horrified. He'd just made it back, and now here was this horrific entity, telling him to... what? To kill one of his friends, who he'd been so excited to see? Sure, he and Benrey had been at odds, but... The other Gordon's warning played back in his mind. _Trust Benrey_.

"No." Gordon gripped his fists.

"You-- what?" The G-Man blinked, clearing his throat. "I believe, I misheard you." His tone turned dangerous. He hadn't misheard a thing. He was offering Gordon one last out.

"I won't kill Benrey for you. Tough fuckin' dice." Gordon glowered at the man before him. Was he terrified of the G-Man's power? Yes, but he'd been terrified this whole time, and he wasn't about to let fear stop him..

The next sound to come out of G-Man's mouth was a breathy snarl. "That... was a poor choice, Dr. Freeman." He approached in his usual, slow pace. Gordon began to back away. "If you... refuse, to cooperate, now, then I suppose..." His hand lifted. "I shall... take a leaf, from my counterpart's book. I will be happy to... hold on to you, until you are, ready... to listen to reason."

Gordon stumbled as his ankle knocked against a rock sitting on the surface of the planetoid's soil. His prosthetic hand gripped, then laxed as he picked the rock up with the anti-grav field. Praying, he lobbed it, aiming for the G-Man's gaunt face.

His aim was true, and the rock struck more than a glancing blow to the G-Man's temple. The entity stood still for a moment. When he looked at Gordon again, it was with venom. "You have made... yet another, poor choice." He moved forward again, more quickly than Gordon had ever seen him move before. Gordon raised his arms to shield himself.

There was a loud thud, and the earth beneath Gordon's feet shook. He looked up, confused by the sight of giant fingers cupping around him.

"You don't get to do that, man." Benrey's voice. Gordon looked up, and gasped.

Benrey was there, and he was _giant_. Gordon gaped for a moment in disbelief. He really _wasn't_ human, not even close to it.

"You're not taking Gordon away. We just got him back." Benrey's word choice was simplistic, but his tone was firm.

The G-Man, for once, grit his teeth, from what Gordon could make out as he peered between Benrey's fingers. It was somewhat vindicating to see the old bastard balk.

Benrey craned his head down, crouching over the terrain to speak to Gordon more directly. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah, I'm not hurt." Gordon sighed, lowering his head. His forehead rested against Benrey's index finger. "Thanks for the save."

The G-Man seemed to shake where he stood in frustration. "Well... I may not be, a fighter, as you are, Freeman... But, my employer's orders, are firm. I will have to, do this myself."

Before the G-Man could act, he found himself frozen in place.

"You can't." Tommy, this time. Gordon's eyes widened. G2 hadn't told him everything, after all. "I won't let you hurt my friends..!"

Gordon was taken aback to see the next expression on G-Man's face, something akin to remorse. "I..." He tried to right himself. "I do not, have a choice. I do, as I am directed. A lesson Dr. Freeman, could stand to learn."

"He isn't your toy to play with!" Tommy grew emphatic. "He's a person, and my friend! And, and if you try to take him, I'll stop you!"

"Tommy, you don't... you don't, understand." As G-Man spoke, Gordon's face twisted in confusion and worry. Why did they have such a similar cadence? "My employers... are more powerful, than even I. Even, if this was a poor choice, I could not, stop."

"And how tough could they be?" Tommy gestured around them. "You're, you're strong, and if you help us, then you have me, and Benrey, and Mister Freeman, on your side, too! And Dr. Coomer, and Bubby!"

The G-Man paused, then sighed heavily. "You have such faith, in the resources, of your allies... and yet, you are, so strong in yourself." His voice was laced with sorrow. "I would say, I am proud, but that would be very... Arrogant, of me. My son."

Gordon yelled audibly in shock. Even Benrey hissed through his teeth.

Tommy looked taken aback, but didn't falter. His hands gripped into tight fists. "I mean, I guess it makes sense... since I have powers like yours. Then... why?"

The G-Man's expression grew more desolate. "Tommy... I did not have, the right, nor the ability, to raise you. But oh, how I wanted to... Give you everything. And how I do, now."

Exhaling through his nose, Tommy hesitated before responding. Gordon's heart ached for his friend. "If you're... my dad, then, well, I'm not happy about not having you in my life." He held up a finger. "If you want to be in my life, now, then... then you have to hear me out. You can start by... Letting Mister Freeman go, and not trying to fight Benrey." 

The G-Man looked to his son, weighing his options. Finally, he nodded, slowly. "It is... a horribly risky, operation, to entertain, but... Anything, in the world, for you, my son."

"Can you, can you take us back to earth, then?" Tommy looked hopeful.

The G-Man lifted his hands, surrounding their party with that same green, sparking energy Gordon had seen just before being returned home. He closed his eyes, and didn't open them until the vertigo stopped.

Of all the places he'd expected to land, Chuck-E-Cheese's was the last.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon felt like he was in some sort of dream. He attributed most of his fugue state to exhaustion, but as he was lead through Black Mesa East, he was barely able to focus.

Something felt off, but he couldn't place it, so instead he tried his best to act normally for everyone.

Of course, not all of his behavior was faked, or played up to appear okay. Each smile he shared with Eli was genuine, and he did actually end up laughing at one of Alyx's offhanded puns. And of course, every glance and nonchalant brushing of hands he and Barney exchanged was authentic, and full of warmth.

Regardless, he was having enough trouble holding himself together that it became noticeable, and Eli was quick to point it out. "Gordon, you must be exhausted, after everything you've been through. You should go rest."

_I'm alright, really._ Gordon tried to argue. _I'm just a little bit tired._ He tried not to sway in place.

Eli wasn't having that excuse, though, and started herding Gordon down the hallway, guiding him to bed. "Once you wake up, we can discuss our plans moving forward, but only once you've actually gotten some sleep."

Gordon couldn't help but smile. As tired as he was, he let himself be led along, sitting down on the edge of the bed once Eli pointed it out to him. _I'll talk to you in the morning. Thank you for everything._ Eli responded with a wink and a grin, then closed the door as he left.

Just before daybreak, Gordon awoke to the sounds of shouting and gunfire. He was out of bed in an instant, rushing towards the sound of the commotion without any regard for his own safety. Thus, he didn't notice the Combine soldiers waiting by the door to the lab as he burst in, and was grabbed from behind by two pairs of strong arms.

He watched, struggling violently, as Eli was led to the teleporter by a Civil Protections officer in heavy gear. Following behind was Mossman, who was arguing vehemently with the Combine.

"You were supposed to wait for my signal." Her voice held a measure of desperation.

"We got tired of waiting." The Combine soldier responded coldly, gesturing to another in the room, who input a set of coordinates into the teleporter's control panel. "Now, get over here."

Judith grit her teeth, worrying her lip before stepping onto the teleporter with the Combine and Eli.

"No, let him go, let him _go!_ " Gordon looked over to Alyx, who was trapped similarly to himself. She thrashed, kicking at the Combine's legs as she struggled. "Don't you _fucking_ take him!"

The teleporter whirred to life, and they were gone. As the maglev arms started to slow, they began smoking and sparking as the teleporter itself malfunctioned past the point of being operational. The combine remaining in the room glanced to one another, discussing what to do with the survivors left behind.

Gordon waited, then put all of his strength into throwing the armored leg of his HEV Suit back, quietly approving of the nasty crack produced by the Combine's shinbone. As the Combine staggered, Gordon swung around, slamming his fist against their head. They dropped, and Gordon ducked, grabbing the gun from their belt and taking out the other one that had been holding him.

Too afraid to risk hurting Alyx, he simply charged at the one holding her in place, punching them hard enough to crack the glass of the mask's eyeshields. The armor of the HEV Suit did have its perks. He shot the Combine as they fell, ensuring they wouldn't get back up.

Alyx hurried to the teleporter, slamming her fist down onto the console. "Dammit. _Dammit!_ " Her voice wavered even as she yelled. She turned to Gordon quickly. "We were ambushed... Barney is fighting off the other Combine that came with the raid. Mossman... I knew she couldn't be trusted...! Dammit!" She inhaled, trying to collect herself. "We need to help Barney."

Fortunately, Barney was a decent fighter himself, and had the situation mostly under control by the time Gordon and Alyx arrived. After quelling the remaining Combines, Alyx explained what happened.

"Shit." Barney's expression grew severe. "They're probably going to take Eli to Nova Prospekt."

Gordon looked at Barney in confusion.

"That's where they were gonna send you before I got my hands on you, Doc. It's a political prison, and no one who goes in makes it back out. We have to get there fast if we want to save him." Barney hissed in frustration.

"The teleporter's broken, but there's a way to Nova Prospekt along the coast. We can get there faster if we travel through Ravenholm." Alyx swallowed. "Or what's left of it. I've heard rumors. Bad ones."

_If it's our best chance at saving Eli, we have no choice._ Gordon looked between his companions in turn, who both nodded.

As Gordon turned to leave, a chill hung in the air. He tensed.

"Doctor Freeman." Of course it was the G-Man. Gordon clenched his jaw. "I must let you know, this is not, how this was going to... go, before. But, that's not, the main issue, here."

Gordon glared at G-Man as he spoke, not caring to even respond. The G-Man took this as an invitation to continue speaking.

"I have, some unpleasant news. It seems that your... Coun-ter-part..." He spat the word with some contempt. "Has already broken, his end, of the bargain. I'm sure I don't need to... express, my disappointment." He took a breath that shook with barely restrained anger. "I know, you fed him... that seed of doubt, which encouraged him to... disobey." He folded his arms behind his back. "I need you to, know... That until you can, prove yourself, as being trustworthy, again, I will be... Keeping you, on a very, short, leash."

As the G-Man's monologue continued, Gordon felt a strange swell of anger and pride in his chest. The other Gordon had figured it out, and heeded his warning. That was wonderful. But, now, this version of the G-Man was threatening him, and the possibility of being locked away again was making him feel sick.

"Go, now, with your friends, to Nova Prospekt. Bear in mind... I cannot protect them, as I can, you." The G-Man smiled calmly, almost kindly. "Your work here, is not quite done." On that note, the entity disappeared.

Gordon felt dizzy, his head light. The G-Man was more formidable than any other foe he'd faced, even if the G-Man himself was technically an ally. He felt hopeless.

Then, he remembered the candy bar nested in his pocket, and smiled. He made a mental note to share it with Alyx and Barney later. For now, he was starting to feel much better again.

Deep down, he knew the G-Man was not as infallible and ineffable as he believed himself to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really finished now, wow! I can hardly believe it.   
> I had to make a lot of adjustments to both HLVRAI and HL2 canons to make this chapter work, but i think it makes sense for canon to fall apart once there is a multi-dimensional rift.  
> Also this fic was self indulgent from the get go so it is basically just me enjoying writing lmao.   
> Thank you to everyone who reads! I hope you enjoyed this journey with me ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's that. I need to replay HL2 now, I genuinely miss it so much...


End file.
